The Legend of Lucy Keyes
(2006)
review by Don't Feed the Dead

Fans of Vanilla ice cream rejoice! For I have found the most bland
supernatural thriller release since Hideo Nakata's Ringu. Based loosely on the disappearance of an 18th century girl, the Legend of Lucy Keyes is a regurgitated haunt story that boasts more spiritual retreads than Uwe Boll does bad video game horrors. Yes, this film was an official selection of every Independent Film Festival under the sun, but fellow viewers, let's face facts.... this was a damn boring movie.

A little bit of truth to the Keyes story, summarized from the film's
website:

Robert Keyes and his family moved to Princeton, Massachusetts in 1751. They purchased a large tract of land, some 200 acres, on the South-Eastern slope of Wachusett Mountain. On April 14, 1755, Keyes's daughter Lucy, who was 4 years old at the time, followed her sisters to fetch some sand from Wachusett Lake. Lucy never returned from the lake. She vanished in the woods that day never to be heard from again. The towns-people made every effort to find the girl. Search parties combed the woods, the lake was dragged, all to no avail. Martha Keyes, Lucy's mother, was pushed to the edge of insanity by her grief over losing her daughter. Every evening she searched the woods calling her daughter's name.

Martha died in 1786. She never found Lucy.

Oh, and how I wish I had never found this movie......

Stimpson's film clings fairly well to the original tale of the 4 year old's tragic fate, keeping the characters and storyline well in place. In addition to the Massachusetts spook tale, Stimpson adds the already trite storyline of a modern day family moving onto the Keyes' land and experiencing the haunting search for Lucy by the ghastly figure of Martha Keyes. Ironically, the new family on the Keyes' property, the Cooley's (headed by Charlie's Angels villain Justin Theroux and French prude Julie Delpy) have a daughter named Lucy, which immediately drums up concerns with the existing townsfolk who still believe that ghosts haunt the woods of their small town.

In another twist of fate, the Cooley's share a second commanality with the land's previous owners in that their youngest daughter was tragically run down by a wayward automobile in front of an ice cream parlor. Naturally, Delpy's character continuously struggles with the child's death throughout the film and develops a hardy "Cold Case" relationship with the ghost of Martha Keyes.

Introducing every stereotypical neighbor available, from the cooky town superstitionist, to the oft-concerned do-gooder neighbors, to the beligerent clam belly shoveling villain neighbor, Stimpson's ghost tale is set-up so that the audience can not only predict the outcome, but eventually re-write the damn film in process to make the experience more enjoyable. I mean, it's a sad state when a story that looks to be so promising because it holds a shred of truth ends up losing its dignity when Friday the 13th films pass it by on the unpredictability scale. I could have watched only 30 minutes of the Legend of Lucy Keyes and elaborately filled in the remaining 70 minutes nigh flawlessly without missing a beat. Now does this brand of horror film deserve the notoriety of so many festivals? Or has the state of ghost flicks become so desperate that it relies on these hokey numbers to keep the sub-genre afloat? Now, I don't wanna hear any shit about Stimpson capturing the picturesque scenery of rural Worcester County, because that really doesn't mean much to a country boy with a DVR handy cam. The majority of the shots are very drab, and if it weren't for the poignant pace changes in the score the audience wouldn't be aware that a "frightening" moment was upon them.

This movie doesn't have very much to offer by way of substance, visuals or effects, so good luck picking the highlights out of the actual film. For me, the most redeeming quality in the Legend of Lucy Keyes was the adherence to the original story of the child's death and the possibility that her mama's spirit is still wandering in the forest of Wachusett Mountain. As for scares, you'll have better luck watching the newer episodes of Ghost Hunters on Sci-Fi channel.