Lord of the G-Strings:
The Femaleship of the String
(2003)
review by Head Cheeze

As long as men have penises and spare time, there will be a place for softcore porn. The softcore film is at once erotic and stimulating, yet innocent enough to be made widely available (in chains like Best Buy and Circuit City) and keep the radical right wing christian groups off your doorstep. No one of late has been more prolific in this genre than Seduction Cinema, whose films are so widely distributed you can hardly swing a dead cat without knocking one off the shelf at one store or another. Equally prolific is Seduction's super star Misty Mundae, who bears more than a passing resemblence to They Call Her One Eye (aka: Thriller) star Christina Lindberg. Seduction's latest release, Lord of the G-Strings, revitalizes the lost art of the porno parody in the vein of such classics as Chitty Chitty Gang Bang, Buffy the Vampire Layer, and Geranalmo.

Lord of the G-Strings tells the tale of Dildo Saggins (Mundae) a Throbbit who spends her days table dancing from village to village along with her friends Horny and Spam. When the drunken Smirnoff the Wizard reveals that the whole of Throbbiton is in danger, Dildo, Spam, and Horny go on a quest to...well...have as much lesbian sex as possible, and destroy the evil G-String sometime thereafter.

Okay, so it's a softcore porn flick, man! What did you expect? The film does have it's "epic" battle scenes (in which 10 or 11 guys in cloaks run around with sticks, swords and nunchakus) but they all invariably end up with the guys in a circle watching Mundae and her co-horts lick each others elbows and hips. Sadly we only get simulated sex, with a lot of carefully blocked scenes involving very long hair and a well placed thigh, but if it were any harder then you'd have to sneak into one of those dodgy pink stores with the whitewashed windows and neon XXX's to get a copy! The imagination is a powerful thing, though, so it's not tough to get a mental picture of what's going on.

Mundae is a bonafide sex symbol who has a very realistic (ie: no fake boobs) good looks and drop dead gorgeous body, and is definitely the hottest thing going on in the film. There are a few scenes in which she's not a major player (perhaps off making another film!) but they lack the erotic punch of her presence.

Now, as a film, Lord of the G-Strings would rate about a skull simply because it's...well...pointless. However, as a late night sex-romp of Cinemax-like proportions, it stands breasts and bushes above the rest, with surprisingly good production values, an admittedly funny screenplay (the things they do to poor J.R.R.....oh my) and a bunch of really hot chicks doing things really hot chicks don't do in real life. So, as softcore porn goes, this is a new classic for all of you fellas (and ladies who dig ladies! Drooooooooool!).

As for extras, Seduction always throws in a load of behind the scenes stuff, trailers, and more, and this disc is no exception. Essentially it's just a lot more nudity, but that's totally fine by me.

So, should fans of the Peter Jackson films rush out and grab this for their collection? Well, that all depends on whether or not they have a sense of humour, an hour and a half of "alone time" and like simulated lesbian sex.

So the answer is yes. By all means.