Meat Market
(2001)
review by Head Cheeze

Shahrokh (Pedrosa) and Argenta (Westby) are just trying to make ends meet. They live in a one room flat, exist on frozen burritos and Twinkies, and share their space with three lesbian vampires and a fat guy in a Mexican wrestler mask. As if that's not bad enough, they have to contend with the legions of undead that have overtaken the world who are using up more ammunition than they are worth, and, quite frankly, are proving to be a real pain in the ass.

Welcome to the world of Meat Market, a low-budget horror/comedy from writer/director Brian Clement. Shot on video and made for next to nothing, Meat Market has enough wit and ingenuity to sink a hundred Ghost Ships and proves that the best horror films are not only being made outside of Hollywood, they are being made for peanuts by people who know what fans of this genre want to see; gore, girls, and err....more gore. While none of the actors will be applying for a S.A.G. card anytime soon, Clement makes the most (or least) of them by putting them in such outrageous and over the top situations that they barely have time to react, let alone act. The film is shot and edited at a break-neck pace, similiar to the excellent low-budget zombie samurai flick Versus, and while this is all done of trusty ol' video, after a few expertly blocked scenes and action sequences it wouldn't matter if the thing was shot with a Kodak Brownie. Clement is a perfect example of a guerilla filmmaker whose ability screams for someone to throw a little cash his way. I shudder to think at what this guy could do with a coupla' hundred grand behind him, and hopefully we'll be lucky enough to see that someday.

Meat Market is not a perfect film by any means. The pace lags a bit when it's left up to the actors to carry things until the next big blowout, and a lot of potentially hilarious dialogue is quite simply mangled by Clement's game, if not exceptionally talented, cast, but such are the pitfalls of no-budget filmmaking; for every Bruce Campbell that shines through, there are a thousand...er...Claire Westbys. I'm sure she's very nice though.

Acting gripes aside, Meat Market earns 5 stars for it's intro zombie hunt alone, that is equal parts Peckinpah and Romero and is the first sign that you are watching a film made by someone with genuine and natural ability. I'm not hip to Clement's background, but I'll venture to say that he's no film school brat. This is a horror fan making horror films for other horror fans and doing a damn fine job of it.

Sub Rosa presents Meat Market on DVD. While it's not loaded with extras, there are some goodies to be had, but the real reason to get this film is for the film itself. I found myself getting genuinely excited at what I was seeing, and while a great deal of my enthusiasm was rooted in the fact that I was watching a zero-budget film that impressed the hell out of me, I think a lot of it carried over into my thinking of what's yet to come.

Here's a message to Warner Brothers, Dreamworks, and all of the other studios cranking out MTV style fright free crapfests at 80 million a pop; GIVE ONE TENTH of the budget of Feardotcom to Brian Clement, and just let him do the rest. Don't watch over his shoulder, don't offer suggestions, just sit back and take notes, because if Meat Market is any indication of what this guy is capable of, he'll make the movie WE, the starving horror fans, want to see and you'll make a shitload of cash in the process.

See? Is that so hard?

Brutal, bloody, and downright brilliant, this Meat Market delivers the goods rare and lean.