The Naked Killer
(Fox Region 1)
(1992)
review by Don't Feed the Dead

This movie gives a whole new meaning to the term "Girls Kick Ass". "Whaddya mean Dead?" you ask, well let's look at the opening scene where a female assassin bashes in some guy's head with a pair of barbells then proceeds to shoot him in the nuts. Talk about feminism at its best!

The story of the Naked Killer centers around Kitty (Chingmy Yau), a gorgeous twenty something girl that has a knack for kicking perverts' asses and taking names. We first encounter Kitty at a hair salon, where a detective (Simon Yam) is getting his hair cut after investigating the brutal murder that was mentioned in the opening paragraph. The stylist working on Kitty is all over her like a dirty glove, until his pregnant live-in girlfriend comes in and bitches up a storm. He slaps her in the face with a wad of cash and basically tells her to fuck off. Kitty gets incensed by the way this guy is treating his chick, so she grabs a pair of scissors and stabs him in the balls a few times. Tinam, the detective chases Kitty out of the salon and shares an erotic moment with her on the stairs of the joint until she pulls his gun on him and he pukes. Ya see, Tinam unintentionally killed his brother while in the line of duty and gets sick whenever he witnesses gun play.
Anyways, he ends up taking Kitty out on a date, and upon her returning home, her father is murdered by his wife's lover.

Kitty sets out for revenge and finds her stepmom's lover in a Yakuza guarded building. She begins to take revenge on the guy but gets caught by his guards and narrowly escapes being raped. Whilst in the building she bumps into Cindy, who for some reason is out to off the same Yakuza guy. The two team up for a double dose of hot chick assassins and take out the Yakuza guy and his henchmen. Cindy then takes Kitty back to her home where she explains that Kitty is a wanted person and would be better off losing her identity and becoming a contract killer. Kitty's face is all over the telly and she's wanted for an enormous killing spree at the Yakuza building. She agrees to Cindy's terms and so the profession change takes place. All the while Kitty is training, detective Tinam is searching for his lost love.

The mysterious murder of a Tokyo Yakuza boss brings detective Tinam to the doorstep of Cindy and Kitty, who is now Suzy the stewardess. Suzy denies all allegations that she is Kitty, but Tinam knows better and diligently hounds her about her identity. Kitty finally fesses up to her identity change and now the two are back in love. Unfortunately, the Yakuza put a contract on Kitty and Cindy's heads, and one of Cindy's students, Princess the lesbian assassin, is out to fulfill the contract.

Made in true John Woo fashion, this movie is an over the top erotic action movie with plenty of choreographed fight scenes and a bit of the ultra-violence. There are plenty of gore scenes littered throughout the movie, and most men die via gunshot or having their goodies twisted off. For a laugh, there's detective Tinam's sidekick Jerky, who's the stereotypical dickhead cop, that makes assanine assumptions and ultimately falls victim to the movie's most disgusting part: Tinam is eating sausage and eggs at a crime scene when the victim's dong falls from a window curtain into his plate. Unknowingly, he begins to cut the member up when out of nowhere Jerky grabs his fork and eats the victim's cock head! Classic gross out comedy when Jerky walks up to another cop with the rest of the dick in his hand, claiming it to be an undercooked sausage!

The extras on the disc include two wonderful photo galleries of the movie itself and of the beautiful starlets of Hong Kong action cinema. (I spent a few extra minutes on the movie gallery cuz it seemed to contain more nude shots than the movie itself.) Overall, a great action movie with a bit of nasty attached to it. All dubbed English dialogue for you anti-subtitle people with plenty of crank yankin' material. Two sausages up!