The Osbournes:
Season One (Uncensored)
(2003)
review by Annoyed Grunt

Back in my last year of High School a Black Sabbath album was almost constantly in my CD player. Forget Lemmy, Ozzy Osbourne will always be the king of metal in my mind. He'll always be remembered as a legendary rocker, but his offstage activities are just a immortal. Come on, he's the guy who snorted a line of ants, tore the head off a dove in a business meeting and pissed on the Alamo while wearing a dress. Hey, that's they kind of stuff that would make for a great reality TV show. Too bad we got it 20 years later.

Yes, these days Ozzy isn't an alcoholic, drug induced iron man. He's a clean and sober family man in his mid 50's. He may not be the man he used to be, but he's still quite the interesting character. So, in a move that was likely inspired in part by "The Downfall of Western Society II: The Metal Years" MTV followed around Ozzy, his wife and manager Sharon and his two teenage kids Kelly and Jack and turned their lives in to a reality TV series. They're just an average family, except for the fact they're stinking rich. And they fight all the time. And they're so vulgar that even Quentin Tarantino would probably find it excessive.

The first season was filmed in the Fall/Winter of 2001 to go along with Ozzy's latest album and tour, so we spend some time on the road with him. These segments are by far the highlight of the series to me as we get to see a real life "This is Spinal Tap" and we see Ozzy in his element. As he goes from city to city we get the impression that he loves performing, but hates being a showman. He complains to Sharon about going to an autograph signing in a limousine (Or a 'pimpmobile' as he calls it). He doesn't want to wear a coat with bat wings and he sure as hell doesn't want to dress up like Santa and ride around in a sleigh that shoots pyro and bubbles out the back. Or to put it more eloquently "Bubbles? Oh come on, Sharon, I'm fucking Ozzy Osbourne, the prince of fucking darkness. Evil, evil? What's fucking evil about bubbles?" It's fascinating to see him frustrated with his image and one wonders if he ever wanted to be seen that way in the first place. By the time he's dressing in drag as part of a "Mulan Rouge" parody he mutters "The things I do to make a living."

However, Ozzy on the road is only a small portion of the show as the majority focuses on Ozzy's home life. He may be the man on stage, but he can't figure out how to work the DVD player at home. He loves his kids, but he has no idea how to raise them. All he can do is just help where he can and try to make sure they don't make the same mistakes he did. Kelly and Jack do nothing but fight all day, make up and then go to clubs at night. To add insult to injury, their numerous pets are destroying their furniture and are soiling expensive rugs.

It's all very entertaining to watch, but after each half hour episode I was left feeling unfulfilled. Forget Seinfeld, this is a show about nothing. You'll have a good time for 30 minutes, but not much will stay with you the next day. Part of the problem comes from the MTV style editing. It's expected since it is an MTV, but it's still annoying. There are a ton of jump cuts that are made all the more jarring by the ever changing hairstyles of the Osbourne kids. There are a number of musical montages that are often rendered pointless by the fact some of the music was changed for the DVD release. I felt the show would have been far better if it was presented in a cinema direct documentary style like "Gray Gardens" or "A Married Couple", but I doubt that would have played well in a TV show aimed at a high school audience.

Plus, for a reality show there's a whole lot of fiction. For example, when Ozzy tosses a hunk of firewood at the house of a noisy neighbor, they add the sound of glass breaking. Also, it has since come out that the producers staged a number of situations that they felt would make real life more interesting. Finally, I'm not sure I like how the show has made the family in to celebrities, overshadowed Ozzy's musical achievements and made him in to such a comedic figure.

The show is presented on 2 DVD's which feature all 10 episodes which feature the option to play it censored or uncensored, commentary from Sharon and Jack (The only ones who would be good doing commentary), subtitles for the entire episode and subtitles for just Ozzy . There's also about an hour of insightful interviews with the Osbourne family, some deleted scenes from each episode, footage of the family interacting with the crew, the highlights of the season and some DVD ROM stuff that nobody ever uses. All in all, a very solid DVD.

Despite my misgivings, it is an entertaining show with the highlights of the season being the family dealing with the aforementioned noisy neighbor, a freeloading house guest who just won't leave and Ozzy's sit-down interview that makes up the majority of the final episode. In that episode he says something that I feel sums up his life and the show quite well; "I'm not proud of everything I've done. I'm not proud of having a poor education. I'm not proud of being dyslexic. I'm not proud of being an alcoholic drug addict. I'm not proud of biting the head off a bat. I'm not proud of having attention deficit disorder. But I'm a real guy. To be Ozzy Osbourne, it could be worse. I could be Sting."
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