Piranha 2: The Spawning
 (1981)
review by Annoyed Grunt

Jaws is a great film not only because of the suspense it creates, but also because of the human interaction. It's as much about a man versus a shark as it is about man versus capitalism. However, if the powers that be decided that human lives were worth more than money and closed down the beach, there wouldn't be much of a movie. The shark can't eat people if they're not in the water, right? Well, there are solutions to this problem. If you were a Saturday Night Live writer, you'd introduce a land shark. What? That's not realistic enough for ya? Why don't you see what the minds behind "Piranha II: The Spawning" have to say. They're the guys who would say "Hey, let's make it a flying shark!". Of course, one of those brilliant minds belongs to James Cameron. Him and the rest of the people responsible for this movie must have been hitting the crack pipe really hard when the came up with their million dollar idea. Sure, it may have been Cameron's directorial debut, but come on! Flying piranhas! I know a lot of people like to bash Cameron because they resent Titanic's success, but this movie is one that actually deserves it.

As previously mentioned, the genetically engineered super piranhas from the first film are back, only now they can fly. They are unleashed upon an unsuspecting vacation resort named Club Elysium when an Army supply ship sinks and looses a container of piranha eggs. Tricia O'Neil plays a scuba instructor who takes the death of one of her students quite hard. I guess she is responsible since she does teach her class right by the piranha spawning ground. Lance Henriksen is her ex husband and the harbor patrol officer. They have a teenage son (who looks like he's 21) who does assorted jobs around the resort. The scuba instructor becomes romantically entangled with a student who is actually one of the scientists who created the killer fish. All four individuals work together to put an end to the aquatic menace.

As you can see, this film isn't exactly heavy on plot. The first half of the movie is spent establishing the characters and what the piranhas are capable of. This is far from Cameron's best film, but his directing is solid, but completely lacking in style. There are a couple of times when he successfully builds suspense, but the plot is far to absurd to take seriously. Cameron wisely shows us mere glimpses of the piranhas. They hardly look realistic, so keeping them off screen as much as possible is a good idea. Cameron also uses just the right amount of gore. There's enough to make the attacks convincing, but the film doesn't dive in to excess. There is an especially nice effect where a corpse is found with all its skin chewed off, except for the area around the eyes that was covered by the diving goggles.

One of the main problems with the film is that it was obviously cut down to have a running length of 80 minutes. As a result there are many supporting characters that disappear for long periods of time. There are even some characters that would seem to be important, but only appear in one or two scenes. Plus, the characters themselves are nothing more than obvious stereotypes. There are a couple of Jamaicans who fish with dynamite and say "ya mon", a slutty old lady, a ditz who wants to marry a doctor and the hot bad girl. The audience doesn't care if this motley crew lives or dies.

At the very least, this is a very educational film. Did you know you can have sex underwater, even without any oxygen? If you ever crash a helicopter in to the ocean from five feet in the air, watch out! Those things tend to explode as soon as they touch the water.

The worst thing about Piranha II: The Spawning is that it isn't bad enough. Sure, there are a few laughs to be found, but on the whole the film is rather dull. There is a rather lackluster DVD out there, but why bother? This is a film that would only really interest the hardcore James Cameron fans. The rest of us would be better off watching something else.