Psycho Santa/Satan Claus
(Sub Rosa B-Movie Drive-In Double Feature DVD)
(2003)
review by Busterface

I love the concept of Santa Claus as the bad guy. The thought of the jolly ol' elf running around slashing and hacking his way through the holiday season is fun for me, and there have been plenty of Christmas slasher movies over the years to really satisfy my craving (SILENT NIGHT, DEADLY NIGHT, BLACK CHRISTMAS, and CHRISTMAS EVIL just to name a few). It's a concept that seems to never get old for me.

That brings us to our newest “Elf on a killing spree” movie:

Psycho Santa

Psycho Santa is set up as a series of short stories told to a girl by her boyfriend as they make the long trek to a friend’s Christmas Party. The stories are about how a crazy Santa was on the loose killing everyone in his path, and of course how he was never caught. Ron, the boyfriend, relays these stories to his ever loving girlfriend as we the audience visually see the stories unfold.

Ever try to sit and watch paint dry? Well if you have then you know how I felt when watching the first story of this movie. S s s s s s l l l l l l o o o o o o w w w w w w w w w... very slow. The first of these stories seems a lot like padding added to reach a desired runtime. Two girls arrive at a cabin in the woods. They talk, they dance, they shower, they get naked (one of them does), they die. This first story was easily the most painful to sit through. Long drawn out sequences cut together at a pace that made me scream profanities at my television set. The long build-up ended with a cheesy pay-off as we never actually get to see any bloodshed. Even if they'd shown Santa drinking the blood out of the severed head of one of the girls, I still don’t think it would have made up for the rest of the segment.

The second story was a HUGE improvement and I would have been very pleased if director Peter Keir would have extended this story and eliminated the previous, but can’t change it now. Two typical robbers dressed in black break into a home. They obviously had been staking out this home for quite a while and knew exactly where the safe was. As they creep around the home, a woman walks into the room in which the robbers are picking at the safe. The woman never notices the two men because she is blind. This scene works well, the intensity of a blind woman not knowing that there are two armed men walking around her home is fantastic! The two men let the woman enter and leave the room as they finish emptying the safe. The woman enters the bathroom, draws herself a bath, and the robbers drown her and try to leave the scene. But Santa is waiting for them and, well, you can figure out what happens to the two burglars.

The third story is a bit of a mystery to me (as in why did they put it in the movie). It has really no significance and I shall never speak of it again. (ed note-HAHAHAHAHAHA!)

The fourth story is my favorite, and falls more into the slasher genre. A brother and sister are out on a drive to find a Christmas tree when their car breaks down and the hunt begins. This is also when the good acting begins. Veteran actor Eric Spudic easily steals the show as the brother Josh. Very creative writing, directing and acting make this story the best out of the four and Director Keir would have been better off making the brother and sister the main focus of the entire movie.

Overall, I can recommend this movie to fans of the slasher Santa genre. It does have it faults but story two and story four make this movie watchable.

Satan Claus

Let me preface this review by saying... “AAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!”

Okay, I feel better.

This review will be short. Real short.

SATAN CLAUS is easily the darkest Christmas horror movie that I have ever seen! BLACK CHRISTMAS does not even compare to the darkness seen in SATAN CLAUS. As a matter of fact SATAN CLAUS is probably the darkest movie that I have ever seen period. You have to be asking yourself, “Busterface, why is SATAN CLAUS the darkest movie you have ever seen?”

BECAUSE NOONE EVER TURNED ON A FUCKING LIGHT WHEN THEY SHOT THE FUCKING MOVIE!

I have been a casual fan of director Max Cerchi’s past work such as: CARNAGE ROAD and HELLBILLY, but I have to say that Mr. Cerchi took major steps backwards with SATAN CLAUS.

Major scenes go by IN THE DARK!!!! I found myself adjusting the brightness on my television, but that didn't help, and I had no idea what the hell was happening, thus, this review is over.

It does get ½ skull because the movie was finished and I know that is a difficult thing to do on a shoestring budget.