***************SPOILER ALERT!****************

Higher Learning, American History X, Aliens Vs. Predator.... One of these films seemingly does not fir in with the other two, can you guess which one? That's right, it's Aliens Vs. Predator, but not for the reason you might think. In fact, all three movies preach tolerance and understanding, messages that I was NOT prepared to accept Friday night, August 13, 2004.

The one gleaming difference between the first 2 movies and A Vs. P is that the first 2 feature films were actually enjoyable, and featured more graphic and entertaining fight sequences than the latter of the trio. Impossible? sadly, no. Paul W.S. Anderson has left a disgraceful mark upon a pair of franchises that have been revered for nearly 2 decades (3 for Alien) by generating an abysmal PG-13 love-fest that feautures the harrowing line that will forever haunt my dreams "My enemy's enemy is my friend." Are you fucking kidding me??

Aliens vs. Predator starts out with a great deal of promise, exhibiting beautiful glacial settings, high tech environments and a plot line that could have gone the distance. Weyland Industries, founded by Charles Bishop Weyland (creator of the Bishop droid) have discovered a newly activiated thermal source in the middle of Antarctica. They hire a top of the line team of archaeologists, geologists, ecologists and oil drillers to search for the thermal source, believing that it is host to a lost temple of some sorts. In the meantime, we see the Predator's mother ship gearing up to deploy a group of unproven hunters to the same destination.

Weyland's group discovers the temple 2,000 feet beneath an abandoned whaling station and begins the exploration of the massive discovery. However, shortly after arriving at the temple, Weyland's group befalls siege by the trio of hunter predators, who obliterate a good portion of the humans with ease. Roughly about that time, a group of Weyland's studying a sacrificial chamber become infected by the Alien facehuggers, causing a spawn of the deadly "serpent" species. So the Aliens are serpents now, huh? Like I said earlier, the premise of the film holds great potential, but what happens after this point utterly destroys the film.

In a matter of 15 minutes, the predators infiltrate the temple and eliminate a handful more humans, then it becomes the Aliens' turn to shine. Initially picking off a few humans, the "serpents" (ha ha!) turn their attention to the predator hunters, destroying 2 of the 3 with great ease. This is when 90% of the theater patrons looked around groaning "oh, no.". How could you kill off the prdators so early in the film? Easily answered...by doing so, it isolates the one predator to create a kinship between him and the movie's main character (Lathan) to battle the evil Alien species. Reality fucking check, Mr. Anderson!!! The Predators don't make nicey-nicey with the humans!

From slaughterfest to love-fest, this is how we destroy a couple of franchises. A few points in the film I expected the predator to remove its mask and tongue kiss Lathan as the duo ran through the temple like Starsky and Hutch on acid. Anderson severely disgraced this film by turning the tide in favor of the humans. God forbid there's a full scale war, like every fucking preview said! In addition to misleading the viewer to believe that it's going to be a true Aliens vs. Predator slugfest, the film is loaded with roughly 90% CGI FX, as opposed to the raw prosthetic limbs-a-flyin' we've grown to love with these franchises.

I think the one aspect of this venture that pisses me off the most was that the film became a vast marketing machine, over-hyping itself and convincing television viewers that it would feature the battle of the century. By lowering the rating to a PG-13, A vs. P attempted to attract a younger, more hip audience. Instead, it slit its own throat by cutting out the nasty scenes that made the franchises so frightening in the first place. There were no Alien head bites, no victims skinned alive by the predators, no Governator-esque catch phrases and frankly no fun to be had at all. Maybe for the sequel, and you know there'll be one, Mr. Anderson can cast LL Cool J and Busta Rhymes to do some kung-fu moves on the predators and aliens. Wouldn't that be phat, yo?!

Last year I became sadly jaded by the notion of an Aliens vs. Predator film. I predicted that it would be the film of the year, and after its initial viewing I couldn't be more mistaken. This film is by far the let down of the year and quite possibly ranks up there with the worst of sequels like Exorcist 2, Jaws IV and Troll 2. Yes, Troll 2 folks... this is what our beloved franchises have evolved to. A PG-13 CGI love-in that could quite possibly become the grandest money making scam in Hollywood history. Fuck you, Paul W.S. Anderson, fuck you very much for ruining my fun!