I just got home from seeing “1408” (a week later than everyone else, thanks to a summertime flu), and I think somebody’s playing some sort of grand scale practical joke on me. There’s just no way I saw the same film that all the critics are currently gushing over. I mean, c’mon, this is what they’re calling “the best Stephen King adaptation since The Shining”, and “the scariest movie in years”? Puhleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeze!

I’ve seen scarier episodes of the WB’s Supernatural, and, as far as Stephen King adaptations go, have any of these critics seen, oh, I dunno, “The Green Mile”, “The Shawshank Redemption”, “Pet Sematary”….hell, even the recent “Salem’s Lot” miniseries??

Based on a short story from King’s less-than-stellar collection, “Everything’s Eventual”, 1408 introduces us to Mike Enslin, a once-promising writer (Cusack) who has published nothing but books debunking the paranormal (and, by proxy, the existence of God) since the tragic death of his young daughter. When he receives a “tip” about a haunted room in New York’s Dolphin Hotel, he decides to make a night’s stay in 1408 serve as the final chapter of his latest book. The hotel’s manager (Jackson) warns Mike of the dangers, but Mike is well aware of the “mysterious deaths” that have occurred in the room, and is not impressed by its nefarious reputation.
Of course, being a Stephen King story, Mike is completely wrong about 1408, and almost immediately realizes it upon closing the door behind him. The clock radio cranks out creepy Carpenter’s music and begins a sixty minute countdown (Mike was warned that no one’s ever lasted more than an hour in 1408), and, with that, Mike not only comes face to face with some of the room’s previous occupants, but also the personal demons he’s spent his life running from

Look, 1408 isn’t an awful movie – it’s entertaining enough, and Cusack is always enjoyable, but I just don’t understand where all of the “mad love” for this film is coming from. While the first thirty minutes or so hinted at some serious scare potential, the last two thirds of the movie reminded me of one of those crazy 80’s metal videos, where a guitarist breaks into a solo that makes walls crumble, rain fall indoors, and the earth shake beneath the sheer power of his “rock”. Mike seems to contend with more weather disturbances than he does ghosts, fighting through a flood, a snowstorm, etc, before an obligatory calm affords him the opportunity to hold his deceased daughter one last time (awwwww), leading to an obviously false ending that summarily leads to an even less believable conclusion.

1408 seems to be getting a free pass where other, similarly-themed films were verbally raked over the coals (titles like “White Noise” and even “Th13teen Ghosts” springing to mind). I mean, seriously, is 1408 really a better film than either of those movies? Sure, the first act is extremely creepy stuff, but, once inside the titular room, this is the same sort of theme-park scare ride as any of the critically derided Dark Castle films, just not nearly as much fun!

I was really excited about 1408, seeing as how the hype for this film started long before it was actually released. There were loads of “spy-screenings” and much advanced positive word or mouth, culminating in seemingly unanimous press adoration of the film, so how could it not be anything but great, right? I don’t know what it was everyone else saw in this film that I missed, but, if you do, please let me know; it’s the only sense of suspense I got from this movie after the first thirty minutes, and it’s killing me.