I’ll Kill You, I’ll Bury You, I’ll Spit On Your  Grave, Too
(Eden Region 1 NTSC DVD)
(2000)
review by Catwalk

I said it with “House By The Cemetary” and I’ll say it with this flick; nudity or a killing before the opening credits always gets my attention, and when you deliver both, you make me smile.  “Club Dread” was the best – it had multiple nude shots and murders before the title.

Five students, led by Ben the fearless leader and Shelley the nympho, are heading to the scene of murders to do some clean-up of the environmentally damaged land.  They’re going to research the psychic energy of the land, which means they’re dead meat.

The entire film, including the sex scenes, appears to be a daytime soap opera, except for the blaring bolts of lightning and peels of thunder overhead.  My sexier other half watched the film with me, and we deduced that it was shot in the mid-80’s.  Our clues:  feathered hair, skirts with sandals, fish earrings and re-he-heeely bad wallpaper.

The camera takes its usual role as the mysterious viewpoint from the wood shed, stack of firewood, etc etc.  The film makes widespread use of the “what’s off camera cannot be seen or heard by the actors either” rule, right down to a chainsaw from a few feet away.

One of the girls is the clear intellectual of the group, with the ponytail and the huge round glasses.  I was waiting for her to yell jinkies at any moment.  Bob and Shelley wind up the last two running for their lives on a giant Sears tractor, which they somehow wreck at 17 miles an hour and get knocked unconscious.

When the plot is advanced by the gas station attendant and a wheelchair-bound veteran swilling Jack, it proves the oddest pairing since the death metal guy and the hacker in Turbulence 3: Heavy Metal.  It’s even funnier if you picture the gas station guy played by Brian Bosworth.

When the killer squares off with the survivors, Shelley’s faced with a horrifying challenge…the first dick she’s ever turned down.  Will it lead to her death, or will she and her friends find a way to overcome the evil?

There’s a scene reminiscent of the made for TV flick, “Dark Night of the Scarecrow” which makes for a nice payoff.  In all, there’s some 80’s skin and some good gore that will remind viewers of Skinemax Friday Nights, or at least older slasher flicks.

Eden Entertainment distributed the DVD.  The company is better known for releases like Robo Vampire and Cannibal Hookers.