Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull
(2008)
review by A.J. MacReady

In 1981, I was six years old when my father took me to see Raiders of the Lost Ark.  I could go on and on about it, but I'll sum up by simply saying this:  it changed my life.  Forever.  It's the sole reason - the moment I can pinpoint with perfect accuracy, looking back - that I am the movie geek I am today.  It thrilled me and scared me and I didn't know that anything like it existed.  When it came out on VHS, I wore out 3 different copies.  To this day, it remains my favorite movie.  I honestly believe that every time I sit down to watch something, all I'm asking for is something to give me even HALF of what Raiders did, and I'll be more than happy.  Seeing Temple of Doom at 9 (which scared me even more, but I loved every second of it) and Last Crusade at 14 - these were pivotal, seminal moments in my movie-going career.  Were the sequels as good as Raiders?  Of course not, but that's completely unfair to ask of any movie, even a follow-up.  But were they better than anything else out at the time?  You bet your ass they were.  In that spirit, when the lights went down and I shivered in nervous, giddy anticipation for Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull to unspool before me, that's all I wanted.  Not for it to be better or as good as Raiders; all I wanted was to have a great time with an old friend and to be thrilled by his new adventures.  I'm here to thank Spielberg, Lucas, and especially Harrison Ford for giving me just that.

We open in Nevada, 1957 (as in real life, it's been 19 years in the story), and are thrown pretty quickly into the thick of things.  No more Nazis; it's the dawn of the Cold War, and as such Indy's enemies this go-round are Russians, led by Irina Spalko (Cate Blanchett, playing the character as if she was the inspiration for Rocky and Bullwinkle's Natasha, and apparently having a great time doing it).  Spalko and her goons have kidnapped Indy - his entrance is precisely what I wanted it to be and made my heart cheer - and his old war buddy Mac (Ray Winstone), and have taken them to the desert base Area 51.  Something in a vast warehouse is very important to Spalko, and Indy can find it for her.  He does, but manages to make his escape in spectacular Indy style (which begins with some old-school whip action and ends with - seriously - the detonation of an A-bomb).

Once again returned to his profession and academia, Indy finds that this escapade is just getting started; a young man named Mutt Williams (Shia LeBeouf) shows up, claiming that his mentor - an old colleague of Indy's (John Hurt) - has either disappeared or been kidnapped while searching for the type of mythical treasure Indy's made a career out of.  Also, now his mother Mary (wonder who THAT could be?) also seems to be missing, but she's told him that there is one man that could always be counted on to help and would be able to make things right. . .

That's pretty much where I'm going to leave the synopsis.  Is "Mary" actually Marion Ravenwood (Karen Allen), Indy's lost love?  Of course she is, and thank God for that.  Some of us have been waiting almost 30 fucking years to seem the two of them together again, and it's about time.  Are there catacombs, cobwebs, traps and hidden entrances?  Damn straight there is.  Some great, old-school, ass-kicking action sequences that remind us that when he feels like it, Spielberg is one of the greatest action directors ever?  You'd better believe it - my personal favorite was the chase/fight sequence involving Jeeps in the jungle (I'd let it duke it out for 2nd best with any other moment in the series after the truck chase in Raiders).  One liners, the sense of mystery, the awe and excitement, and most importantly, fun?  Check, check, check, and a big fat check for fun.  Plus lots more.

Spielberg, specifically, seems to be having a great time again, as does Ford, who steps back into Indy's shoes without a single false note.  The man can still take an ass-whipping that will blow your mind, and give it right back as good as he always did, all while being the most resourceful sonofabitch in 100 square miles.  LeBeouf (who I think we've all heard repeated grumblings about since his involvement was announced) doesn't embarrass himself once; he's clever and likeable and handles the action convincingly.  Blanchett, as stated before, is having a ball being the best brand of cartoonish evil she can muster up.  The film looks superb, with Janusz Kaminski, Spielberg's DP since Schindler's List, having replaced the late Douglas Slocombe (who shot all 3 previous entries) and doing a fine job of it.  Master editor Michael Kahn returns (who, like Slocombe, cut the first 3) and does his usual stellar work; the pacing and the flow is as seamless as ever.

Not to say that the flick is perfect, however.  My major gripe is that Karen Allen just isn't given enough to do.  Speaking for a legion of fanboys who love the character of Marion (probably one of the all time greatest heroines in any film ever), a woman who was tough and sexy and funny and gave it as good as she got it at all times - it's kind of a letdown that she couldn't be more utilized.  What she DOES do is great and exactly what you'd want, you just can't help wanting more.  Maybe I'm just selfish, I don't know, but you can't go wrong with more Marion Ravenwood is all I know.  My only other main drawback is that occasionally the script can be a bit too clunky in its exposition.  We all know a certain part of any Indy film is the legend or the myth that they're dealing with, and as such it needs to be explained to the audience.  It just seems that sometimes here it either goes on too long or doesn't flow the way it should.  I hesitate to pin it on screenwriter David Koepp (I actually like the guy's work), but I don't know where else it came from.  Maybe they just couldn't figure out how to get the info out there in a more streamlined way, but it doesn't always work.  Still, these are truly minor quibbles when you consider the amount of things that the movie DOES get just right, which is roughly everything else.  Well, maybe not the monkeys, but you can't have it all.

Yes, even the alien/extraterrestrial aspects of it.  I know some purists are completely put off by it, but I could really care; it works about as well as the rest of the movies have.  I realize that while some may cry "but Indy only goes after RELIGIOUS artifacts!", remember that there was always a supernatural aspect there, something otherworldly.  The Ark made dudes melt and heads explode.  The cult that worshipped the Sankara stones had some kind of blood/protein shake concoction that put the "sleep of Kali" or whatever over you - basically it turned you into a child-abusing asshole, apparently.  And water from the Holy Grail could wipe away a bullet would like a bug from a windshield.  So all of that was pretty out there; aliens are no different, truly.  Especially when even Indy - who saw and experienced all that earlier shit - incredulously responds with "saucer men from Mars?" 

Basically, if you loved the other Indy movies, you're gonna have a great ride with this one.  And if you didn't?  I have nothing more to say to you.  But for those of us who came of age watching this man, this legend, have some of the most amazing adventures anybody could ever ask to be a part of, even just as an observer - he's back.  And adventure STILL has a name, and it's still Indiana Jones.

(Note:  while yes, I am giving the flick 5 Skulls, understand that Temple of Doom and Last Crusade get the same score, to me.  Again, not as good as Raiders, but compared to everything else out there, this flick is a superb piece of entertainment and should be regarded as such.  Hence, 5 Skulls.  And Raiders would get 8 or 9 Skulls anyway. . .)