There's no other way to put this, so I'm just going to state it up front.  Peter Medak's second season episode of Masters Of Horror, The Washingtonians, is plain ol' whacked out crazy.  It's based on a short story by Bentley Little - author of The Ignored - and while I haven't read the source material so I don't know how nutty THAT is, I can tell you without question that the adaptation's gone off its meds for sure.

For example, in the first scene, a young lady hitchiker walks a quiet lane late at night.  She has no luck with the only car that drives by.  However, there's a couple dudes on horseback in Revolutionary War-era uniforms that ride up behind her, draw their sabers and quickly relieve her of her noggin.  That's the first couple minutes of this insanity.  Then -

Mike Franks (Johnathon Schaech, The Forsaken) and his family - wife Pam (Venus Terzo) and daughter Amy (Julia Tortolano) - are traveling to a small town in Virginia to deal with his late grandmother's home, which she has left him.  Ten-year old Amy is easily frightened - the memories of the house itself scare her - and she wants to go home.  Mike and Pam figure they'll just go through his grandparents' belongings, grab what they want and return home.  They don't, however, count on discovering a large portrait of George Washington.  Or discovering that behind this painting, in the frame, is a small scroll of parchment that reads "I will skin your children and eat them" and is signed "G.W."  Which of course makes them wonder what the hell is going on - was this written by "the father of our country?"  Mike mentions it to a local man who is helping them with the estate and things get decidedly strange; he starts going off about Washington's legacy and rewriting the country's history and generally comes off as a madman.

And that's before other guys dressed up like Washington's soldiers who wear powdered wigs with rouged cheeks and white faces descend upon the family and begin to terrorize them.  Later, if you're hungry, there's a nice helping of cannibalism - so bring your appetite.

So.  This bloody little treat is roughly 16 types of psychosis, and to make it clear RIGHT NOW: it's not going to be for everybody.  It goes from honestly creepy to outright goofy to so far over the top it's like they didn't realize there's a ceiling.  The tone is all over the place; there's some stuff that goes to such an overdone point - and played totally straight - you can't believe they'd try this shit.  A room full of George Washington lookalike flesh eaters with disgusting, stained wooden teeth?  Laughing and making horribly cheesy puns before chowing down with revolting gusto?  So you have to give yourself over to it if you're going to enjoy yourself at all, is what I'm saying.

Which I completely did.  I'm surprised myself, but I had a fine time with this episode.  It may be flawed and the shifts from horror to black comedy aren't always perfect, but somehow it worked for me.  Schaech is still occasionally wooden as a leading man, as he's always been, but along with Richard Chizmar, he co-wrote this adaptation and the lengths to which this goes in order to make its (admittedly fucked-up) points constantly got me, even if certain things are resolved too simply or aren't followed through on.  So no, it's not perfect, but I sure had fun.  Medak (who directed the classic ghost story The Changeling) directs with a sure hand throughout all the madness and it looks quite good.  The KNB boys handle the few gore scenes as well as they always do, with style and superb artistry.  There's a nice shout out to Stephen King involving a radio DJ named George Rathbun (points are awarded to those who get that reference) and a nice gag borrowed from The Hitcher (the original, anyway, as I haven't seen what seems like a pointless remake).  Saul Rubinek shows up to deliver some exposition involving the Washington history we DON'T know about and commences to ham up the proceedings quite entertainingly.  Plus there's a joke at the end that, while stupid, will probably make you snicker while you roll your eyes. 

Anchor Bay keeps up with the same type of special features they have on all their second season MOH's; a 14 minute featurette on the production, "Feast On This: The Making Of," as well as the shorter "Wigs, Teeth, and Powder!" that covers the costume design of the ep.  There's also a blooper reel and commentary from Medak and Schaech.  Last are a few trailers for other Anchor Bay/Starz releases.

I don't know why, but I really enjoyed myself while watching The Washingtonians.  Not as good as the end-all-be-all cannibal black comedy Ravenous by any means, but a pleasant diversion, and a worthwhile episode of Masters of Horror.

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