Vampire Sisters
(Pendulum Region 1 NTSC DVD)
(2006)
review by Catwalk

Vampire Sisters tells the tale of some sexy vampires, who solicit unsuspecting victims via their website, Vampire Sisters.com, and lead them to their death.  (Don’t bother.  Vampire Sisters.com isn’t registered to anyone at this time, so no, there’s no half-naked hotties with cheap fangs waiting at the other end of your mouse clicks.)  As the body count rises, it’s up to two intrigued detectives to infiltrate the lair of the vamp ladies, and put an end to their monstrous killing spree.

Ok, enough with the synopsis; 6plot would be about number 99 on the top 100 reasons anyone would watch Vampire Sisters.  The first bobby socks and schoolgirl outfit is under the ten minute mark.  Topless dancing and of course vicious death follows within minutes.

So after the girls do away with a man who encompasses the stereotype of Internet perverts, they capture a Michelle Branch lookalike and pummel her too.  These girls are just insatiable.  They’re lookin’ for young blood, not middle aged jerk-it-at-will perverts.  Such a shame they seem to deal with a continuous wave of exactly those guys.  (BTW, Sisters isn’t accurate, real sisters don’t do what these sisters do, but that goes without saying.)

Let me give the film this credit.  Regardless of the fact that the girls have their own fangs, they never stop coming up with creative ways of offing their victims.  Throughout the film, there are hints at the thing in the shed, and that thing reveals itself at exactly the right moment.  After Detectives Hunt (Chamish) and Renko (Lassise) make the first step to engage the sisters, it’s inevitable that all hell, and the thing in the shed, breaks loose.

After introducing the three sisters, the two detectives, and the motives of each, the film takes a huge pause in an effort to suddenly ramp up tension and ratchet up to a marketable running time.  The drawn out second act provides only an outlet for bio breaks, drink refills or popcorn popping.  (At the rate it plods along, you might even get away with the old Jiffy Pop on the burner action.)

So who are the three sisters?  Simple.  Dawn (Albornoz), Tasha (DeVil), and Stacy (Jameson) provide enough action for the horniest male viewer, especially once they draw innocent little Juliette into their reach.  If the film offers only two completely non-essential scenes worth viewing, it’s the girl-on-girl domination scene (at least until the CGI), and the finale’, which opens the way for Vampire Sisters 2: Iggy’s Revenge.

In the end, Vampire Sisters is about as vampire as The Wizard of Oz or Major League for the most part, becoming almost interchangeable with every Shannon Tweed movie broadcast Friday nights on Skinemax in the 80’s.  The film relies more or skin than character development, the action scenes suffer immensely at the hands of the budget, and the actors are handcuffed by a mediocre script.  Still, if you’re home alone and looking for 80 minutes of soft-core horror erotica, throw on the Jiffy Pop and take a gander.

Vampire Sisters is part of a six-pack of films titled Brutal Blood Suckers, released by Pendulum Pictures and distributed by Mill Creek Entertainment.