Scary Movie 3
(2003)
review by Don't Feed the Dead

I never thought I'd be saying this, but, please bring back the Wayans Bros! David Zucker has done for the Scary Movie franchise what Wes Craven has done to..... well......um.... any movie he's done in the last decade! The premise of Scary Movie is to parody the year's horror movies, and up until this point, had been very successful with Kennan Ivory Wayans at the helm. Unfortunately, things have taken a turn for the worse with the ex-Airplane director grabbing the horns.

To start the movie, we get a very titillating intro with Pam Anderson and Jenny McCarthy playing up the beginning of the Ring. We get the standard sequence of obvious humor, then the two beat the shit out of each other in the movie's shining spot of comedy. A quick lead in to the death of McCarthy, and subsequently Anderson, and we have the beginning of Scary Movie 3. I would have been content if the movie ended there. * Note to self - no more comedies with Charlie Sheen.

From the demise of Anderson and McCarty, we digress. Past Scary Movies have parodied more than a handful of horror movies for the 75 minutes of film, but for some reason, Zucker managed to only give 3 movies the spotlight on this one. Obviously, we've all seen the commercials advertising the Ring, but half the movie is spent cracking on "Signs" and for some strange reason, "8 Mile". Now, I may be no box office genius, but last time I checked, 8 Mile was filed under "Drama", not "Horror". Anyways, complimented by a slew of lackluster white jokes and offbeat "cracker" rap, Zucker somehow manages to integrate this fine film into the storyline. Bad move Dave. Last thing I wanted to see in a horror parody is anything relating to Eminem. That is, unless he's receiving a barium enema from Leatherface....now that would be fun!

Anyways, back to the anti-funny. Our third movie tied in is "Signs," where Charlie Sheen undertakes Mel Gibson's role as the frantic ex-preacher that has mysterious crop circles pressed into his precious crop. Again, a sad throng of jokes are thrown at the viewer, and not even a chuckle could be heard from the dozen or so that wasted money to see this flick. Comedy seems to work when it is sarcastic and less obvious. I would expect this monotony from an amateur, not a man who is responsible for some of the greatest comedic moments in film history.

I suppose that a great deal of laughter was lost once the director gave the thumbs up to a PG-13 rating. The past Scary Movies have both been R, with their staple of jokes relying heavily on homophobia, sexuality and drug use.... you know, good juvenile humor. It was with great displeasure that not one breast nor dildo was uncovered during the viewing of this movie. I am, in some strange way, appauled that Zucker drove this franchise into the ground with such a great display of Disney-esque one liners. Ah well, at least we have reruns of Cheech & Chong to lighten our heads.......err, days.