Now
here's a double feature I can sink my teeth into, and I mean this
literally. Two films with two major babes walking around naked and
killing people? Sounds like an excellent way to spend an evening,
and thanks to Something Wierd Video and their obscene amount of extra
materials, a long evening at that!
First
up, we get the moody and bizarre The Naked Witch, a tale about a young
man who's car breaks down in a small town with a dark past. When the
young man (Robert Short) unearths the remains of a scorned witch (Libby
Hall) she rises from the grave to take revenge on...well, just a couple
of people. She does, however, do most of her revenge taking in the
buff, even if most of her is obscured behind scenery (and even a big
black smudge!). Still, we get more than a few glances at this bodacious
babe, who's half Betty Page and half Joan Crawford (before she got
scary looking.) Libby Hall also wins the award for biggest drawn on
eyebrows in cinema history. The film itself is pretty straightforward
hokum, but it's still a hoot to watch.
Just
when you thought it was safe to go back in the woods, here comes Crypt
of Dark Secrets, a goofy tale of a really hot looking Native American
sorceress who does a mean raindance and has a body that would make
Custer stand at attention even with all of those arrows sticking out
of him. The Sorceress has the ability to turn into a snake, raise
the dead, and an inate ability to get naked and slathered in oil all
in the wink of an eye. While what she does to the small bayou town
is pretty bad, she looks damned good doing it, and when you see how
she raises the dead....well, let's just say her victims won't be walking
into any light any time soon.
If
three hours of naked witches doing the voodoo that they do so well
isn't enough, don't worry, it wasn't enough for the psychos over at
Something Wierd Video either. The lads have gathered over a dozen
short films featuring scantily clad gals doing occult type stuff (or
not, but does it really matter?) all from the golden age of titillating
teaser porn. It's great stuff and worth the price of the disc alone,
but there's more. Oh yes....much more. Including a load of trailers
for films like Hot Pants Holiday, Voodoo Virgins, The Virgin Witch
(I want to see that one!!) and many more, all very generous with the
skin and great voice-overs saying tacky stuff like "She went
away to relax but ended up in a torrid affair of ebony sex and voodoo
lust!" There's also a stills gallery of photos from The Naked
Witch, as well as a potpouri of exploitation cinema posters and ephemera
that nicely round out this bonanza of wiccan themed smut.
While
the picture quality of The Naked Witch is barely passable, and the
audio sounds like it's coming out of a closet in a house beneath the
sea, Crypt of Darkness looks and sounds surprisingly good for a typically
obscure SWV flick, with bright reds and deep, errr...fleshtones.
The
Naked Witch/Crypt of Darkness double feature is one of the biggest
surprises to hit my DVD player in some time. The sheer amount of extra
material is proof that this was a labor of love on the part of the
SWV boys. If goofy softcore porno disguised as horror is what you
seek, this DVD is the Holy Grail.
Get
it, it's a blast!
