Zodiac Killer
(Lion's Gate Region 1 NTSC DVD)
(2005)
review by Bil Withonel

It has taken me a few weeks in between watching this "film" and writing the review; partly because this is a busy time of the year for me, but mostly because I couldn't bring myself to relive this particular 85minutes of my life.

This is one of the greatest stories of "Bait & Switch" ever...No, not the movie, there's nothing great about this boiling sauce pan of vomit, but rather the “how's” and “why's” of me renting it.....and maybe I can save someone else the grueling experience of watching this "film."

Back around 1980, I watched a documentary about serial killers on HBO. I don't remember much about it other than about 10 minutes was devoted to a serial killer who called himself "Zodiac." Even at 10 or 11 years old, I found the story of Zodiac very interesting. First and foremost, he was never caught. Secondly, he would taunt the police by sending them cards, puzzles and even called them on the telephone. Years later, Big McLargehuge and I both read the same book about Zodiac. A book that contained photo copies of his own hand written notes, his cryptograms, composite sketches and detailed accounts of his murders. We both agreed that the book was scary as hell, and northern California in the late 60's and early 70's was no place to be.

Around the same time that I watched the serial killer documentary, my brother and I watched what was then and is now one of the scariest movies ever made, "Halloween." Common horror movie knowledge reminds us that Michael Meyers' name in the credits is "The Shape" but on several occasions during the movie, he is referred to as "The Boogeyman." When a movie by that name came out (prior to Halloween II) my brother assumed it was a sequel to
Halloween and went to see it. He came home speaking of "The worst movie ever."

So now it's 2005 and I'm looking for something to rent/review. Way at the end of New Releases, and rightfully so, is a movie called "Zodiac Killer." Underneath the title in letters only slightly smaller reads "From the director of The Boogeyman." I figured "Zodiac is an interest of mine, The Boogeyman came out earlier this year and, though I haven't seen it, I've heard ”good things" and so I rent this film.

This movie was NOT directed by Steven T. Kay who directed the 2005 Boogeyman. Instead it was directed by Ulli Lommel who directed that hunk of crap my brother saw in 1980. From what I have seen and heard, his film making skills haven't improved much or at all in 25 years. Honestly, it looked like a student "film", a high school A/V club student "film" at that. You've probably noticed how I keep putting the word FILM in quotations. That's because it isn't technically a film as it was shot on tape. Back in the 80's they called that "Horror-Vision." These days, we just call it CRAP.
So even though Ulli Lommel has made about a dozen or so movies between Boogeyman and Zodiac Killer, why did they put Boogeyman on the box? Because some poor schmuck, like myself, will rent it (or God forbid, BUY it) for the exact same reasons I did.

The movie begins with shots of the films main character eavesdropping on someone speaking ill of an elderly relative. He purchases a book about the Zodiac Killer. A voice over narrative announces that he will continue the legacy of the Zodiac. However, while the original killed somewhat randomly, he will kill with purpose....are you ready for this one?.... he will kill people who are mean to the elderly.

The movie is as factually inaccurate as you can get without casting the director/writer as the REAL ZODIAC, who comes out of retirement to take out the copycat.... oh wait, that happens... It's also warming to know that you can apparently buy nerve gas in the form of bath balls at the local Army/Navy surplus store. I think the only thing they got right about Zodiac was his name. Pictures of what are supposed to be his victims look like they were lifted from Rotton.com. They are mutilated bodies and occasional burn
victims...The Real Zodiac only had 5 known kills; all by gunshot.

There are so many moviemaking faux pas in this "film" you wonder if maybe Lommel might want to look for a different line of work, maybe delivering pizza or bartending. Harsh shadows, poor lighting, straight on camera angles, etc, etc. I have seen much better work for less money by people with NO experience.

Honestly, when you get to the end of the alphabet at the video store, and you see the box with the big red eyeball on it, just turn around and make believe you never saw it. Every second you spend on this movie, is a second wasted.