This week Wild Eye Releasing is unleashing Mike Davis' President Wolfman, "a candidate both parties can get behind," on DVD following the film's successful festival run. We have all the details you need right here, including the trailer, box art, and more!
Hailed as "perfect for fans of campy horror" by The Washington Post, President Wolfman was made entirely from recycled, stock, and public domain footage with a newly scripted, scored, and re-voiced soundtrack with enhanced visuals and effects.
It stars Ashley Ann, Anthony Jenkins, Casey Robinson, and Marc Evan Jackson.
Since its premiere at the Sydney Underground Film Festival, President Wolfman has been a favorite of audiences and critics alike, winning awards such as Best Script at the New Orleans Horror Film Festival and Best Feature at both the Aliens to Zombies Film Festival and Atlanta Horror Film Festival.
The August 26th DVD release of President Wolfman (SRP $14.95) will include several short films from director Mike Davis, outtakes, a music video, and a highlight reel of the production.
Meet John Wolfman: politician, single parent, and werewolf - a man whose (hairy) hands are definitely full. Not only is he trying to stop his opponents from selling the US to China, he also has to solve a series of grisly murders in the Capitol. Add a crazed mad scientist, Smokey the Bear, a Miss Teen beauty pageant, and a race against time to save his eight-year-old son, Bobby, from a murderous Vice President; and you have a movie that will keep you howling from start to finish.
Next month Titan Books is releasing the first English translation of Butterfly Skin, the cult psychological thriller by Moscow native Sergey Kuznetsov, which takes readers into the dark depths of contemporary Russia.
Through his riveting plot and singular characters, Kuznetsov explores the sometimes pathological fallout resulting from our instant connectivity in the emerging world of emails, Facebook, Twitter, and other forms of electronic “intimacy.”
Butterfly Skin hits bookstores and online outlets on September 23rd. We have the novel's artwork, synopsis, and pre-order info below. Look for an exclusive excerpt soon!
Moscow is plagued with a series of gruesome murders. Ksenia, an ambitious young editor in the news department of a small but influential online journal, decides to track down the serial killer, devising an elaborate website to entrap him and thereby boost her company's profile. She soon realizes, however, that her obsession with the psychopath reflects something more deeply disturbing: her own unconscious mixture of horror and fascination with the sexual savagery of the murders.
Long Beach, CA, you've been waiting for it. and the announcement is here! Your illustrious Queen Mary has unveiled the names of the two new mazes heading to Dark Harbor this Halloween season: Soulmate and B340! Read on for the details.
When the Queen Mary took her maiden voyage in 1936, she was considered the finest ocean liner ever built. Today she serves as home to museums, restaurants, and all types of presentations. But when Halloween rolls around, she gets ugly (much like anyone who took their maiden voyage in 1936…OH!).
Dark Harbor is the Queen Mary's haunted showcase, and this year's event promises to be the best one yet with the addition of the Soulmate and B340 mazes.
All the details and stories behind the new mazes and the haunt's previously announced Exclusive Encounter are below. The Queen Mary's Dark Harbor opens on October 2 and runs through November 2. Be sure to visit the Queen Mary Dark Harbor website now to book your tickets and get into the spirit of things. Halloween is just around the corner!
From the Press Release
The Queen Mary’s Dark Harbor will rise from the haunted bows of a rich, torrid history to scare all those who dare this Halloween season. Dark Harbor is pleased to unveil two brand new mazes, Soulmate and B340, and the Exclusive Encounter unlike any other haunted experience onboard the infamous cruise liner.
Graceful Gale was the belle of The Queen Mary in the 1930s. As a beautiful first class passenger Gale charmed her way across the ship’s dance floor regularly until mysteriously disappearing on her final passage in 1939. The new Soulmate maze will take over the former location of the Containment maze and bring to life the haunted spirit of the frightful Graceful Gale. The story of Gale will unravel as her true spirit is revealed and those who dare will realize that Gale may not be as graceful as she appeared, but in fact is more monstrous than ever imagined. Gale will haunt The Queen Mary in order to lure suitors into her possession. Once she captures their hearts she will have her adoring minions cut them up and reassemble them to create her "perfect mate". But Gale isn’t so easy to please and only a few creatures are suitable enough to be her dance partner. The rest of the rejects are doomed and outcast to haunt the Queen at night.
On a 1948 Atlantic voyage, third class Queen Mary passenger Samuel was locked away in Room B340 after a violent outburst. After hours of isolation, crew found Samuel in his room, violently ripped apart. Murdered or self-induced suicide, no one knows. B340 is a new maze through Samuel the Savage’s schizophrenic journey of isolated decent into insanity. Travel through his warped mind literally and figuratively, ultimately reaching the final resting place, but only after visitors navigate a mirage of virtual B340s. Samuel is on the loose, he’s dangerous and completely out of his mind. Through his maze you may lose your own mind and find it impossible to escape.
The new Exclusive Encounters on board the Queen Mary will take a very limited number of thrill seekers on a terrifying top secret paranormal journey through the depths of the ship that have never been open to Dark Harbor guests before. Those who dare to voyage on an Encounter will be so brave they will have to sign their life away and hope that they return safely to land.
The Monster Midway, Freakshow, Mechanical Monster, The Ringmaster, and all of the terrifying spirits of the Queen will return for the horror amidst freaks, food, and live entertainment. The terror begins October 2 and runs for 20 haunted evenings through November 2 from 7 p.m. to midnight. Ticket prices start at just $20 online, with Fast Fright, VIP Passes, and lodging packages available. Season passes are also an option for optimal adrenaline seekers. For more information or to purchase tickets online, visitThe Queen Mary Dark Harbor website.
Back in January 2012 we got the first word on Ombis, which then became Ombis: Alien Invasion and is now known as Not Human. After some false starts, the film is finally arriving on VOD and DVD, and it's gotten some new artwork to celebrate.
The film was directed by Adam R. Steigert and written by Steigert, Janeen Avery, Terry Kimmel, Mark Mendola, and Michael Sciabarrasi. Not Human stars Richard Satterwhite, Jason John Beebe, and Sara Manzella along with Kathy Murphy, Alexander Sloan McBryde, Brenda Rickert, and Aryn Fitzgerald.
DefTone Pictures Studios Inc. and Origin Releasing are releasing Not Human on VOD on September 9th, followed by a DVD push out to retail markets in December. For more info in the meantime, be sure to visit the official Not Human website.
Not Human follows the story of peaceful, rustic Metzburgh: a quiet village which was a former industrial town whose glory days are long past after the collapse of Metzburgh Grain. A meteorite crash lands in the peaceful community. Glen, a homeless ex-employee of the grain silos, gets too close to the crash site as a chemical poison sprays out of the meteorite, enveloping him. The chemical agent known only as Ombis begins to turn his insides into a slimy substance. Glen is discovered by lovebirds Mark and Lucy as the Ombis begins to consume Glen’s body and spread the alien infection.
Shocked by their gruesome discovery, Mark and Lucy contact local sheriff Thomas Brackett, who aids the traumatized couple. The collateral damage begins adding up as the virus begins to overrun the unsuspecting village. Adding to the chaos, a mysterious government team shows up and attempts to keep order while trying to contain the alien plague.
Mark, Lucy, and Sheriff Brackett are stuck in middle of an alien invasion where they must unite with the surviving townsfolk to take on ever-growing army of mutated Metzburgh residents. With time running short before the government decides to eradicate the virus off the face of the earth, the group must figure out away to get out of the town before it’s too late.
On September 9th, Swedish melodic metal pioneers In Flames will be releasing Siren Charms, their 11th studio album (pre-order). The band has been going strong for over two decades, helping build and define a beloved genre of metal that has influenced countless bands for years.
In celebration of this upcoming release, the band has teamed up with Bloody-Disgusting to make this week In Flames Week! Each day will see a member of the band describing the most memorable moment of recording Siren Charms and we’re kicking it off with guitarist Niclas Engelin! Head below to see him talk about the moment that stands out for him!
In Flames will be co-headling the “Communion Of Sirens” tour alongside fellow Swedish band Opeth. Tour dates are below and tickets can be found here.
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Tour dates with Opeth:
12/3 – Riviera Theater | Chicago, IL
12/4 – Mill City Nights | Minneapolis, MN
12/5 – Sokol Auditorium | Omaha, NE
12/6 – Ogden Theater | Denver, CO
12/8 – Warfield | San Francisco, CA
12/9 – Palladium | Los Angeles, CA
12/10 – The Marquee Theater | Tempe, AZ
12/12 – Warehouse Live | Houston, TX
12/13 – Gas Monkey Live | Dallas, TX
12/15 – Tabernacle | Atlanta, GA
12/17 – Electric Factory | Philadelphia, PA
12/18 – Terminal 5 | New York, N.Y.
12/19 – Palladium | Worcester, MA
12/20 – Metropolis | Montreal, QC
12/21 – Koolhaus | Toronto, ONT
BANNER FROM ADAM
Christopher Buehlman's The Lesser Dead, a ferocious and funny look at vampires living in 1978 New York City, is told by Joey Peacock—a perpetually fourteen-year-old vampire who lives underground in the city's tunnels. It arrives October 7th from Ace Hardcover.
While riding the subways one night, Joey (a very questionable narrator) discovers that his group might not be the city’s apex predators when he witnesses a small group of children hypnotize a businessman and lead him away into the subway tunnel.
What follows is a gruesome game of cat and mouse between New York’s vampire residents and an ancient evil.
Check out the novel's cover art and official synopsis below.
"The secret is, vampires are real and I am one.
The secret is, I’m stealing from you what is most truly yours and I’m not sorry... "
New York City in 1978 is a dirty, dangerous place to live. And die. Joey Peacock knows this as well as anybody—he has spent the last forty years as an adolescent vampire, perfecting the routine he now enjoys: womanizing in punk clubs and discotheques, feeding by night, and sleeping by day with others of his kind in the macabre labyrinth under the city’s sidewalks.
The subways are his playground and his highway, shuttling him throughout Manhattan to bleed the unsuspecting in the Sheep Meadow of Central Park or in the backseats of Checker cabs, or even those in their own apartments who are too hypnotized by sitcoms to notice him opening their windows. It’s almost too easy.
Until one night he sees them hunting on his beloved subway. The children with the merry eyes. Vampires, like him… or not like him. Whatever they are, whatever their appearance means, the undead in the tunnels of Manhattan are not as safe as they once were.
And neither are the rest of us.
MVD has announced the North American DVD release of Giorgio Amato's fly-on-the-wall serial killer thriller Closed Circuit Extreme with a street date of August 26th. Read on for the trailer, cover art, and more details about the film.
Written and directed by Giorgio Amato and produced by Italy's acclaimed siblings the Manetti Bros. (Arrival of Wang, Paura 3D), Closed Circuit Extreme stars Francesca Cuttica, Guglielmo Favilla, Gaia Insenga, and Stefano Fregni.
A young couple who suspect their neighbor is responsible for the disappearance of a friend break into his house and rig each room with hidden CCTV cameras which reveal he is a sadistic serial killer. When they return to retrieve the evidence, they are trapped by the beast and forced to fight for their lives.
“For Services Rendered” really dived into the core of Herr Eichorst and gave us the best hour of television yet. The Strain finally feels more focused and driven as characters either make the decision to live, or become part of the horde.
Richard Sammal is a beast as Thomas Eichorst. He spends this week really digging into his scenes. We get to see the depths of his madness and just how driven he is to the cause. His flashback scenes with a young Abraham prove to be a highlight, as the writers decided to give us a moment of vulnerability to the immortal bastard and in doing so, highlight what motivates the man to alley with the strigoi.
But more of that in a minute as for now we’re getting the bookends on a few major storylines. I don’t imagine we’ll see more of Kent’s wife, after the truth is revealed that he’s a piece of shit, she leaves him in the dirt to focus on helping captain hairpiece… I mean Doctor Ephraim Goodweather on the quest to raise awareness about the outbreak. I don’t really understand his motivation.
Which is turning out to be key in this series. As the episodes pass we’re coming to learn more about what makes Abraham so dedicated to fighting off this incursion. He was at one time complicit in this insanity, perhaps out of necessity or naivety, but now he has to pay for his sins. He made the master’s coffin and he must live with that everyday. I adored this reveal as it really helps the burden on the old man’s shoulders.
Whereas Eph has a ruined life, a tarnished reputation, and broken relationships so it’s tough to figure out what motivates the man. He seems driven to raise awareness that he was right about vampires, but as society continues to fall into shambles around him perhaps he needs to remove his head from his ass and start fighting back instead of giving a shit about his reputation. I suppose you could say he’s motivated by the safety of the public, and wants to find the root of the outbreak, but I’m just not buying it.
Gus’ storyline is heading down a predictable path, but one that still proves very interesting now that he’s trapped in a cell with his buddy as he turns. This is going to be a messy conclusion and one that I can’t wait to see unfold.
Then we have the ending. I was honestly so done with the Lawyer mom storyline. I couldn’t have cared where it went, and I just wanted it to end. Or at least so I thought. Because holy hell. The sequence in the house with her in hot pursuit of her children was chilling. The mirrors everywhere reflecting back her distorted image were a nice touch, and how she crawled around on all fours was really something. But, the resolution in the final minutes was really where my excitement hit the roof.
We’ve seen this before. Hell, we’ve even seen it in a Del Toro film, but I was still excited to see Vampires fighting back against their own kind. I was blown away, and intrigued. They look almost feral, whereas Eichorst is in complete control. It begs the question as to how the virus takes hold, and just what type of person can fight back against it. This team of Vamp assassins was the wonderful cherry on top of a wonderfully paced episode. The entire thing wasn’t that rooted in horror, but the opening scene and closing scene more than made up for it, at least for me.
- Got all the Battlestar Galactica feels when I saw Galen start up the episode. It’s a real shame he was eliminated so quickly.
- Richard Sammel’s use of “Jew” was totally spine chilling, couldn’t help but shudder every time.
- For those of you that read the books: I wasn’t expecting THAT character to even make it into season one. I’m super excited, but don’t know what to think.
- We’ve got a second season, which gives me faith that The Strain may yet find it’s legs and become consistently amazing.
What did you think of “For Services Rendered” ?
RAM Releasing, the genre shingle of Film Movement, is releasing Korean director Kim Ki-Duk's Moebius in New York, Los Angeles, and Chicago throughout August with a nationwide cable and digital VOD rollout on August 29th. Right now we have a NSFW clip and a contest for you.
To score yourself the one-sheet you see below, autographed by its centerpiece Lee Eun-woo, just send us an email at email@example.com including your FULL NAME AND MAILING ADDRESS. We’ll take care of the rest.
This contest will end on at 12:01 AM PT on August 28th.
Moebius (review) stars Lee Eun-woo, Cho Jae-hyun, and Seo Young-ju.
On August 29th the film becomes available on cable VOD via all major providers (Comcast, Time Warner, Cox, Verizon, et al) and digital VOD at iTunes, Amazon Instant, Google Play, Vudu, Xbox, Playstation, Rovi, and Samsung Hub.
When she catches her husband having an affair, a woman attempts to castrate the cheater for his wrongdoing. Unsuccessful, she instead inflicts the unspeakable act on her own son, setting off a series of grotesque yet provocative events ranging from a hurried genital transplant to pain-inflicted orgasms that all merge in a continuous thread of delirious storytelling. With both husband and son damaged and living in grief, the wife returns as the family heads towards destruction even more horrific than before.
Kim Ki-Duk, whose signature style pushes the limits of challenging filmmaking and often blows right through them, won the Golden Lion with Pieta at the Venice Film Festival last year. The prolific director is set to shock audiences again with Moebius, his latest perverse statement on family tensions, sexual boundaries, and society’s issues with each.
We’re fans of posting terrifying, horrific art around here but we have to admit that most of that comes in the form of paintings, digital artwork, unique poster designs, and the such. It’s rare that we dive into the world of sculptures, statues, or the like. But today that’s going to change, starting with Cameron Stalheim.
Steinheim’s work has a tortured air about it, reminding me of the work of Clive Barker. From “Carnage”, a work that changes based upon which side you look at it to the terrifying “Caged” because, well… f*ck spiders, Stalheim evokes fear and pain.
Check out a gallery of his work below.
UPDATE: The band has confirmed all of the information. We have updated the information to show the correct release date. The album can also be pre-ordered here. Also added are tour dates for the band’s fall tour with Korn and King 810.
While an official press release hasn’t yet been released, it appears that iTunes has unveiled the album artwork, track list, and release date for Slipknot‘s upcoming studio album.
Featuring 14 tracks, plus two bonus tracks for a deluxe edition, the new album is supposedly entitled .5: The Gray Chapter and will be released October 21st via Roadrunner Records. The album artwork can be seen below.
The band released a new track yesterday called “The Devil In I”, which you can stream below.
4. The Devil In I
10. The One That Kills the Least
12. Be Prepared For Hell
13. The Negative One
14. If Rain Is What You Want
15. Override (Bonus Track)
16. The Burden (Bonus Track)
10/25 San Bernardino, CA – Knotfest
10/26 San Bernardino, CA – Knotfest
“Prepare For Hell” tour dates with Korn and King 810:
10/29 El Paso, TX – Paso County Coliseum
10/31 Dallas, TX – Gexa Energy Pavilion
11/01 Corpus Christi, TX – American Bank Center
11/02 San Antonio, TX – AT&T Center
11/04 Little Rock, AR – Verizon Arena
11/05 Oklahoma City, OK – Chesapeake Energy Arena
11/06 Omaha, NE – CenturyLink Center
11/08 Madison, WI – Alliant Energy Center
11/09 Sioux Falls, SD – Denny Sanford Premiere Center
11/11 Denver, CO – Denver Coliseum
11/19 Baltimore, MD – Baltimore Arena
11/21 Nashville, TN – Bridgestone Arena
11/22 Lexington, KY – Rupp Arena
11/23 Ft. Wayne, IN – Allen County War Memorial Coliseum
11/25 Moline, IL – iWireless Center
11/26 Kansas City, MO – Sprint Center
11/28 Rosemont, IL – Allstate Arena
11/29 Detroit, MI – Palace of Auburn Hills
11/30 Toronto, ON – Air Canada Centre
12/02 Reading, PA – Santander Arena
12/03 Camden, NJ – Susquehanna Bank Center
12/05 Uncasville, CT – Mohegan Sun
12/06 East Rutherford, NJ – Izod Center
12/07 Boston, MA – Paul E. Tsongas Arena
It is my belief that there are some things that we should never be brought to reality. If I had to make a list, that weird living aborted baby creature from the Silent Hills demo would be somewhere near the top. I don’t even know how one would go about recreating it, but someone has, and the future of humanity rests precariously in that thing’s fleshy, underdeveloped hands.
This is where you take your loved ones somewhere safe, because I have a feeling this thing will eventually destroy us all.
It is with sadness that we write of the passing of Lord Richard Attenborough, who died just days before his 91st birthday. Attenborough suffered a stroke five years ago that left him in a coma for several days and confined him to a wheelchair since.
Attenborough portrayed the role of John Hammond in the first two Jurassic Park films as well as Judge Arthur Conan in 10 Little Indians, and also directed the 1978 horror/thriller Magic, which starred Anthony Hopkins and Burgess Meredith. He also won two Academy Awards for 1982′s Gandhi.
Our deepest condolences go out to his friends and family. He will be sorely missed.
In a sea of unnecessary sequels, remakes, and unoriginal story lines, there are still gems in horror that spark the imagination and worm their way under the skin. It’s movies that make us scared to go into a dark room, to walk down a hallway full of wide open doors, to come up from the basement without running up the stairs, that bring us joy and wonder.
Several times there are movies that are promised that fill our hearts and minds with wonder that such a thought might even be considered. But those promises go unfulfilled and we’re left with a yearning that can never be satisfied.
With that in mind, I want to bring four movies that I’m still wishing would happen. Check out my list and then let me know what movies you wish would come to fruition!
Report by Kris Manfredini:
Comic Con has taken over this weekend! Driving down River Road you’ll feel the traffic but you’ll also see lots and lots of people dressed up! You’ll see Batman and Superman walking down the streets together. Tons of Dr. Whos and many, many others! But Freddy Kruger, Sam, and Michael Myers even wanted to join in on the fun! Jason was also there.
So this weekend, just like every other weekend, comics and horror comes together. “Incredible Hulk’s” Lou Ferringo was there as was “The Walking Dead’s” Norman Reedus. Up and coming (and beautiful) star Sara Underwood was there and was right next to the Queen of Halloween, Cassandra “Elvira” Peterson. I got the honor of talking with Elvira and she wanted me to let you all know that to help with your preparations for Halloween, she has a vinyl coming out on Oct. 7th. Released on Third Man Records on a 7 inch Purple Vinyl record, Elvira will be singing two songs written by Fred Schneider of B-52’s fame, on the A-side titled, (appropriately?) “My Two Big Pumpkins” and on the B Side, “13 Nights of Halloween.” I’ll be looking forward to hearing those this Halloween.
The vendors were top notch as well. From comic books, to rare collectibles to lots and lots of art work.
But the highlight for me, as with all shows like this, are the ones dressed up! They add to atmosphere, add even more excitement and buzz to the already crazed frenzy, and gives plenty of fans a great photos and memories.
I even met a couple with their 3 kids, one being a little baby. When asked how old, they answered 2 weeks old and felt the need to explain that they wanted to come but could not find a sitter. Just think how jealous that baby is going to be when he finds out he was at Wizard World Comic Con 2014 but doesn’t remember it! If you are looking for something to do the rest of Sunday, August 24th in Chicago, check out Comic Con at the Donald E. Stephan’s Convention Center. Guaranteed a great time and will have something for everyone.
And I FOUND HIM…
Darren Lynn Bousman The Devil’s Carnival: Alleluia is adding a hell of a cast that will have fans in musical horror heaven.
Bloody Disgusting received exclusive word that Alleluia has added Halloween and “Heroes” fav Brea Grant, pictured above, Insidious ghost J. LaRose, the metal band Butcher Babies and Danny Worsnop of the band Asking Alexandria to its growing cast!
As previously announced by Deadline, the sequel boasts an impressive line-up that includes surprises such as Rocky Horror Picture Show‘s Barry Bostwick, Jesus Christ Superstar himself Ted Neeley, Rent‘s Adam Pascal, and “Baywatch‘s” David Hasselhoff.
Returning officially are Paul Sorvino, Terrance Zdunich, rapper Tech N9ne, Emilie Autumn, Briana Evigan (Burning Bright, Sorority Row, Step Up All In), Marc Senter (The Lost), and Dayton Callie (“Sons of Anarchy”).
Musicians Chantal Claret, Jimmy Urine of Mindless Self Indulgence, Shawn “Clown” Crahan of Slipknot, and Kevin “Ogre” Ogilvie from Skinny Puppy round out the ensemble of carnies and lost souls whose paths cross at a theme park.
Alleluia continues the saga and sees the forces of Heaven and Hell face off in a showdown.
Zdunich wrote the script and co-wrote the musical numbers with Saar Hendelman.
Iowa metal band Slipknot have released a stream of “The Devil In I”, which comes from their upcoming as-yet-untitled fifth studio album.
The track has a very different sound from previous Slipknot songs that I’ve heard, carrying an almost gothic, Swedish melodic metal feel to it.
No release date has been set for the new album, which will come out via Roadrunner Records. It will be the first album since 2008′s All Hope Is Gone.
There was something about buying a VHS that didn’t translate into DVD that I can’t quite put my finger on. Maybe it was the difference between a big chunk of film that was hugged tightly by a jacket instead of a slim disc with a ton of empty space around it. I don’t know…
But what I do know is that VHS cover art was, quite often, absolutely incredible! And artist Chris MacGibbon has taken multiple modern horror movies and given them that same treatment in an Imgur gallery that you can see below. There are covers for films like The Collector, Trick R Treat, The Strangers, and more!
With the home video releases slated for September 16, one imgur user got his hands on an advance copy and shared all of the redacted opening credit footage. What was hiding under all of the black? Read on to see it all!
Extra features include:
MONARCH: Declassified – Discover explosive new evidence not contained in the film that unravels the massive cover-up to keep Godzilla’s existence a secret.
Operation: Lucky Dragon
MONARCH: The M.U.T.O. File
The Godzilla Revelation
The Legendary Godzilla – Go behind the scenes with filmmakers and cast for an even deeper look at the larger than life monsters in the film.
Godzilla: Force of Nature
A Whole New Level Of Destruction
Into The Void: The H.A.L.O. Jump
Ancient Enemy: The M.U.T.O.s
I admit it, I watched the hell out of Jersey Shore. Every rotten season of it. When Snooki first walked into the beach house dragging trash bags as luggage, I was there. When Ronnie knocked that kid out with one punch, I loved it. And when the Situation drove his own head into a wall to get out of fighting Ronnie, I laughed my ass off. My viewing had nothing to do with being from Jersey, I’m simply a glutton for schadenfreude and the anthropological study of assholes.
It’s been two years now since Jersey Shore left the air and there’s been a gaping hole in my heart ever since (not really though). That’s why the announcement of Paul Tornopol’s slasher-comedy Jersey Shore Massacre got me all excited. How hard can it be to successfully parody the bronzed bennies and poofy-haired boneheads of my beloved reality show and throw in some fun kills?
Apparently more difficult than it seems.
Jersey Shore Massacre starts with a group of hair stylists “goin’ down the shore.” When they arrive, they find that their stoner landlord (Ron Jeremy, duh) has mistakenly rented out their timeshare to another group of equally obnoxious girls. Teresa (Danielle Dallacco) offers up her gangster uncle’s woodland estate in the Pine Barrens as an alternative. Begrudgingly, the girls head into the woods for an alternative weekend getaway.
From there, Jersey Shore Massacre goes through the slasher beats, with a neighboring cannibal as the prime suspect. Mixed in with the slasher elements is the sexual aggressiveness and misogyny Jersey Shore was known for. Then again, slashers are known for that as well, so it’s all business as usual in those departments.
The cast is made up of a bunch of believably trashy chest-beaters and guidettes, though none of them are particularly adept in the acting department. it’s never a good sign when Ron Jeremy is the only recognizable name in a film (outside of a porno, if you’re into watching a troll doll meshed with a mangy Mario ravage women).
My biggest problem with the film is that it doesn’t embellish the madness of its source material. It’s not a clever parody at all. It plays out like a typical slasher, but the victims happen to say “youse guys” instead of “you guys” and they go tanning. The cast is just doing bad impressions of the Jersey Shore cast without any effort. Aside from JWoww listed as an executive producer, Jersey Shore Massacre has nothing to do or in common with the show. That’s what I was looking forward to! I watch enough lousy DTV slashers already!
Jersey Shore Massacre is now in limited theaters and hits DVD and Blu-ray on August 26.