Last time Head Cheeze sent me some Indie flicks to review I ended up hating him for months. So please don't execute me for hesitating to pop in Bloody Tease by Razor 3D as my hopes for Cheeze's "special packages" waned with the last shipment.
Luckily, for both he and I, Bloody Tease was a movie that far surpassed the paltry caliber of Mulva: Zombie Ass Kicker (ed note-oh, come on! get over it ya baby!).Roughly 15 minutes into the movie, I was hooked in a storyline and cinematic experience that rivaled classic Tales From the Crypt episodes. Filmed in a similar style with witty banter and camera work that put the viewer in what I call "Real Life Focus", Bloody Tease tells the story of a niteclub called the Fetish Jam, and the dark secrets it harbours.
The film opens up with some college schmuck celebrating his birthday in true loser style: alone and at a strip club (the aformentioned Fetish Jam). Whilst being seduced by three lovely young dancers, the kid neglects to notice that as the dancing gets more intimate, the features and demeanors of the girls begin to change. Before the viewer can react, all three vixens are straddling the poor guy and drinking from his neck like Head Cheeze at a Meister Brau tap.
We then cut to Ken (Jones), who's sitting on the college campus reading the newspaper. His pal Sammy rushes up to him and starts shootin the shit about girls and such when Ken brings up the tragedy that befell college classmate Greg, who's body was stabbed severely and dumped downtown. One thing leads to another and Ken and Sammy start talkin about taking over the dead kid's house so they can throw some kick ass parties. Now I know y'all must be looking at this review and sayin "Man, this must be some piss poor acting!" But it's actually not! I have to commend the Razor team and Brad Sykes for picking up a cast of quality no-names to execute this storyline.
So now Ken and Sammy have decided to move into the newly abandoned house. They find a roommate named Martin, who is the caucasian equivelant of Steve Urkel from Family Matters, except with a really bad impersonation of a southern draw. The three loaf around the house watching horror exploitation films and drinking beer when a great idea dawns on the trio: Pull off a crazy stunt at the Fetish Jam, catch it on tape and present it to the popular fraternity house to gain membership. Do we see where this is going yet?
Well, the movie rolls on as predictably as Vin Diesel's vocabulary bank, but with less stress as I imagined a trite storyline would have. The cast was able to pull off the gore/ comedy with ease, and even though there were no legitimate scare moments in the film, it held my utmost attention. My only gripe at this point was that on my 52" Scenium screen (braggard!!), you could see the 3D rendering even after I chose to watch the movie in 2D. What's that you ask? Why didn't I mention that the film was in 3D as well? The answer is simple kids, because this new wave of 3D videos does not operate off of your standard 3D glasses. No, in fact, one would have to shell out close to $200 (!!!) for the complete Stereo 3D experience to enjoy these films in 3D.
But I digress, let us roll.....
Bloody Tease has much to offer by way of gore, girls and well.....girls! Luckily for the viewer, the girls are extremely nice to look at and keep the pace of the movie flowing, whilst the viewer can do his own *pole* dance and keep the viewing pleasure at an optimum. Although I hesitate to urge y'all to go out and buy the Stereo 3D module, I do implore you to at least rent Bloody Tease for one hell of a good time.