Rites of Uranus (1975)
When I first heard the title of this one, I thought that this would be kind of a thematic adult movie taking place on some really cheap, cheesy alien planet set, perhaps a space serial from yesteryear where hot female astronauts wearing classic 1950’s space suits which had those glass bubbles for helmets. With laughable “Lost in Space” Special effects, science technology that was not feasible then nor today and enough green women to give Captain Kirk a coronary it was sure to be a cheezy/sleazy time to be had by all. Of course, when I saw the cover art above, I immediately realized that when it comes to the hardcore world of the Dragon Art Theatre such promises of fanciful lunar themes are always just a thinly veiled malicious attempt at wit because this show is actually about a cult of hooded freaks who gather round and chant as various objects are stuck up women’s asses. I suppose if it would be disturbing enough if the rectory of ghouls wearing burlap robes just sat and watched the action, and basked in the glow of the ass candles but this cult actually have a chant which is heard verbatim, repeated countless times throughout the movie, it is as follows: “Hail to Your Anus, Your anus takes my thrust and the penetrating force of my grey hot venom shall shatter the sanctity of the mind”. So it seems that that this sect isn’t exactly lunar travelers after all? Yet even so, they do aspire to “shoot for the moon” as often as possible, for this film seems to center on all manner of ass sex and penetration, the most garish of which is by the use of a plastic toy ceremonial sword that has been fused with a dildo, used to stab folks where most wouldn’t want to be cut. There is a plot, of a woman named Sara who in the opening scenes is indoctrinated by fellow acolytes of the asshole, and during a threesome, their charismatic leader (a true man of the poophole) drops dead. She is taken away, put in jail, where she promptly escapes only to be gotten in the end, (the rear end). Turns out their leader wasn’t dead after all, but shows up in the final moments of the film to let her know that he is very much alive. I guess he just couldn’t stand to leave her behind…This unholy fusion of anal penetration, occult themes and evil men in cloaks coercing poor women into ritualistic abusive anal sex will strike some as asinine, others as unholy. All however, must concede that this film is indeed truly “ass-holy” in its basic theme, mood and execution.
Terry’s Sweet Revenge (1977)
This one is about a woman’s tale for redemption, respect, and for rape. Terry’s Sweet Revenge is the story of a sex pot who through the use of flashback, tells the story about how she was raped by her boyfriend’s friend, a tragic moment which was doubly bad because her boyfriend walked in on it happening and helped rape her too. And speaking of helping, it did seem if at times that Terri actually openly facilitated the three way rape, deliberately positioning herself in such ways as to instantly shift into the same choreographed variety of sex positions that is present in the countless porno films Terri Hall made in her career, but that gets into an ugly bit of victimology that I don’t want to touch here. Anyway, every Thelma needs a Louise and Terry has Jeanette, her best friend who also has a rape story that is best told in flashback, the “climax” of which (and I use this term loosely) is her boyfriend urinating all over her (no wonder she is all pissed). Nonetheless, these two women do what any (EVERY) women who hate men would do in a cult, underground, or porno film; they immediately have lesbian sex with one another and plot revenge against males everywhere, even forming a two person allegiance named W.A.R. or women against rape. From there they seduce strange men off the street, invite them up to their apartment, at first placate them with the promise of sex, and then when they are distracted/subdued then methodically restrained they violate them with dildos or tie their penises up with thick rope, until it becomes the wrong kind of sensitive, purple and swollen. Even though this was a vile, crummy, ass sex infused look at the timeless battle between the sexes, I had to admit (for the first time) that the basic plot of this Dragon Art Theatre product would have worked as a great cult film, even if the explicit action was dialed back a bit. (See the French Film Baise-Moi for an example). Finally, the fact that Terry’s friend Jeanette, looks more than a little bit like Zooey Dechanel from Fox’s New Girl provided a brief glimpse of something attractive; (kinda) normal between all the reaming’s, creaming’s and screaming’s that comprised the bulk of this thing.
Now that this double feature of consent-optional ass play is in the can (Ahaha…), I suppose what you have to ask yourself if is if you like the theme of this one, because it seems that every volume of these has one. Just as the theme of Volume 1 was Nazis, it seems that “pegging” (or violation of a male rear by a woman with some sort of phallic device) is the reoccurring action here. I don’t know or care what others do in bed (unless of course they formally send me a tape of it to review here and ask me for my expert guidance), but, in my household, I don’t even like letting my GF play with the remote control to the TV, much less fiddle with the delicate “rear input port” on the back of the set (which might just invalidate the warranty), so you can imagine my personal feelings on that sort of action.
Nonetheless, if you like actual, bonafide 70’s bom chicka boww background porn music, gigantic pubic manes that makes every close-up of sex look like a Muppet visiting a dental office, and a screen transfer that is every possible synonym of grainy, gritty and dirty, The Dragon Art Theatre continues to dish out a lot of delight, disgust or dismay, each one playing at roughly two full hours at ten bucks a piece, offering the most gangbang for your buck. My advice to the viewer is to watch these alone, because if most women find enough of these lying around you won’t have much choice in the matter in future viewings anyway.
And that is my review for my second of 212 available dragon art theatre movies. But I have a good feeling about this last one. Did you know that the number 211 is kind of special? While I am no numerologist and certainly not superstitious, did you know that the number 211 is a cube containing only 3 different digits? My mathematician friends will know this is rare and probably why this will be the best film of the series after all and why I will probably stop here.
Want to discover the Rites of Uranus for yourself? Click here!