Timmy: “My mother, she ate my brother.”
Linda: “Yeah, our mothers too.”
Timmy: “My mother ate your mothers?”
There’s a great way to get across a good horror-comedy with almost no budget. Examples include “Killer Klowns from Outer Space” and “Bad Taste”. Occasionally, the cast even features members who get their start in a heap of zero-budget junk and reminisce fondly about it when they’re established. Expect neither from the 1989 clusterfuck that is “Flesh-Eating Mothers”.
The credits appear over crayon drawings to enforce the theme of suburban bliss. It’s a shame the rest of the movie isn’t shot in the same format. That’s not entirely true; look for the same effect in what’s supposed to be a microscope later. Here’s the basic plot; a neighborhood full of women with problems (affairs, drunkenness, etc) suddenly fall victim to a virus and develop an insatiable appetite. They run out of food and start eating their children.
It’s up to the resident dork, Jeff Nathan (Oliver), the high school bad boy, Rinaldi (Rosen) and some schoolmates to save the town. Each of the high school kids is played by a 35-year old, a la “Beverly Hills 90210”. The cops are crooked, the mortician is a scientific genius, and a guy who looks like a Ron Jeremy rip-off rounds out the horrific cast.
I haven’t seen such talented acting since “Kiss Meets the Phantom of the Park”.
If you can imagine 35 years into the future, picture a middle school production of Desperate Housewives. An exception (exception? I meant example) to the bad acting that typifies this movie is Tony DeRiso, who plays Ice Cream Man Frankie Lemonjello. Apparently Mr. DeRiso studied Scott Baio in “Zapped!” and felt that would key his rise to the top.
The movie provides a moral lesson, in that the stud of the neighborhood, Roddy Douglas, spreads the deadly virus. Apparently he’s as blind as he is promiscuous, because there isn’t a fuckable member of the cast. Well, that’s not true. The nurse is pretty hot, but she’s reduced to dialogue directly out of 70’s porn.
On to the effects…the best special effect in this movie is that of one of the mothers stuffing an entire sandwich into her mouth. The sad part is that it’s the only thing that goes into someone’s mouth that isn’t an effect. As a matter of fact, the mothers often transform into psychotic versions of Tammy Faye Baker once completely infected. Just to add to the fun, the mothers alternate between walking like zombies, having superhuman strength, subhuman growls and sometimes, psychic powers.
As a guy who loves low-budget guilty pleasures (see: “Motel Hell”, “Jack Frost 2: Revenge of the Killer Mutant Snowman”), this simply doesn’t qualify. Chuck this one in the bin next to “S.I.C.K.” and save yourself 90 minutes.
Elite Entertainment’s marketing staff says this movie is in the tradition of Shaun of the Dead. Don’t believe it. This movie isn’t clever or convincing, and requires a lot of drugs in order to be remotely entertaining.
The lack of extra features (trailer and scene selection only) may be a blessing given that the 89 minutes of crapfest is enough in itself.