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I'll Always Know What You Did Last Summer

Review by: 
Head Cheeze
Release Date: 
Aspect Ratio: 
Directed by: 
Sylvain White
Brooke Nevin
David Paetkau
Torrey DeVito
Bottom Line: 

 In 1997, he knew what you did last summer. In 1998, he still knew what you did. But now, in 2006, he issues his tersest warning yet; he'll always know what you did last summer.
Which sort of makes sense, really, lest he be struck on the head and lose his memory, or ages and succumbs to dementia. I mean, once you know something, you sort of always know it, at least in the back of your mind. Still, one tends to wonder what sort of title the producers will resort if I'll Always Know What You Did Last Summer spawns yet another entry in the series.
I Know That You Know That I Know What You Did Last Summer?
Anyhoo, this Jennifer Love Hewitt-free installment of the “the Fisherman” (aka; The Hook) series offers up a few new twists; the strangest one being its setting. No longer does the Fisherman stalk the shores of small seaside villages. No sir. In this outing, our raincoat-wearing fiend is actually terrorizing the kids of a small Colorado mountain town. Seeing as how this makes about as much sense as a zombie Eskimo terrorizing a retirement community in Orlando , I had to assume there was some other reason as to why The Hook chose to pay a visit to a ski town hundreds of miles from the nearest fishing port, and I was right.
In more ways than one, it seems.
When a group of teen's Fourth of July prank- in which one of them dresses like the “legendary”, fisherman (why The Hook is legendary in their neck of the woods is anyone's guess) to scare up some action at the local town fair- leads to the accidental death of one of their friends, the group make a pact to carry the secret of this tragedy to their graves. One year later, the conspirators begin to get the “I know what you did…” messages (as text messages on their cells, of course; paper is sooooo 20th century), and suddenly their small town is awash with as many dead bodies as red herrings. Is it the grieving father? The creepy cop? The suicidal friend? Or is it something worse?
Shot on the cheap, with a cast of likeable, fresh-faced actors, I'll Always Know What You Did Last Summer is a moderately entertaining, occasionally scary, and fairly gory flick that, in terms of quality, lies somewhere between the original film and its insipid sequel. A lot of folks will probably groan out loud at this film's twist, but I was laughing too hard to care, because, frankly, I expected this movie to be a hell of a lot worse than the end result. Parisian filmmaker, Sylvain White, shows a knack for the genre, setting up some decent scares, but some things gets lost in lots of noisy, overly flashy editing (which is, sadly, the case with a lot of low budget horror flicks these days). The actors won't win any awards for their performances , but Torrey DeVito, who plays the film's resident “rocker”, Zoe, has to be one of the most smokin' hot actresses I've seen in a long time. She looks like the love child of Angelina Jolie and Rosario Dawson (and, if you doubt that such a child could be manufactured, you sorely underestimate the abilities of “The Jolie”, who I'm now quite certain possesses sexual powers beyond all of our comprehension), and, to be honest, she'll probably be the only reason I watch this film again.
The DVD features a commentary track, a somewhat awkward and amateurishly shot making-of featurette, as well as several trailers for more Sony goods.
I'll Always Know What You Did Last Summer is sort of an odd duck. Fans of slasher flicks may dismiss it due the lightweight pedigree of the series from which it spawned, while fans of the series may not like it due to the many deviations from the original's plot and style. Personally, I expected to make it fifteen minutes into this one before I tossed it across the room based on the silly title alone, but, surprise, surprise, I made it to the end, and actually sort of enjoyed myself in the process. Is that a positive review? No, not really. But it's not a negative review, either.
And, as an added bonus, there's no Freddie Prinze Jr., which merits a whole skull on its own.

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