User login

Killer Bitch

Review by: 
Release Date: 
Kaleidoscope Home Entertainment
Crime Drama
Aspect Ratio: 
Directed by: 
Liam Galvin
Yvette Rowland
Robin Reid
Alex Reid
Julie Fernandez
Dave Courtney
Bottom Line: 
Click to Play

“Killer Bitch” is an unexpectedly well-made but ultra low-budget ( and resolutely trashy) indie gangster flick that goes miles out of its way to offend as many people as it possibly can; but unless you happen to work for a British tabloid newspaper, it is very hard to take this video-shot flick’s ridiculously cartoonish portrayal of violent working class machismo all that seriously -- despite it playing host to an insidious sexism that borders on outright misogyny at times, relying on knowing humour and a lively sense of the ridiculous in order to undercut its more unpleasant excesses.

The film is simply a deranged, hormonally pumped-up celebration of  testosterone-soaked psychopathy that revels in the bloody glamour of working class criminal thuggery and  yob culture in all its foul-mouthed and spittle-flecked glory. From unlicensed boxing to no-holds-barred cage fights; from club land brawling to drug-fuelled beatings and brutal gangland hits: “Killer Bitch” is literally ninety fast-paced minutes of feckless punch drunk sleaze, crammed to bursting point with little more than a succession of leery, muscle-bound ‘blokes’ waving their big guns at people and yelling outlandishly overblown threats into their faces (“I’m gonna rip yer fuckin’ teeth out and shove ’em up your fuckin’ arse! ) before pummelling seven shades of shit out of each other while various pouty, pneumatic bimbettes, culled from late-night phone-in porn channel Babestation, stand around with their fake norks out being either shouted at, shagged or shot, and sometimes all three -- but not necessarily in that order!

If you’re a sullen, pimply fourteen year-old, who’s been driven half insane by inveterate sexual frustration and incessant nocturnal emissions, then this just might be the best film you've ever seen in your life! To everyone else though it’s a raucous, sweary, sometimes incomprehensible, poorly acted, violent mess: a parade of toughs with tatts, and big tits, in other words. The cast is largely made up of loads of real-life yobs, hooligans, hard-men and villains who've attained some sort of disreputable fame over the years, usually  through a tabloid-derived infamy (thus ‘Lotto Lout’ Michael Carroll has a cameo, as does celebrity gangster Dave Courtney), along with aging porn stars (Ben Dover ‘performs’ in the opening scene), boxers and minor TV personalities such as Fred Batt off of “Most Haunted” and Celebrity Big Brother winner Alex Reid.

The story is simple in the extreme and meaningless to boot: after her partner is slaughtered (along with a bunch of other random people in a bloody opening sequence which also sees Ben Dover stabbed to death during some athletic sexual gymnastics with a naked blonde model), the MILF head of a small-time London glamour agency (Yvette Rowland) is forced into taking part in a lethal killing game by a cartel of brutal gangsters. She has to kill five people whose names will be supplied to her on a list, otherwise just about everyone she has ever known (work colleagues, loved ones and relatives) will be brutally slain, one-by-one. Yvette is catapulted into a violent world of thugs, enforcers, bare-knuckle fighters and maniac gangsters, gradually honing her assassins skills with the help of an ex-member of the very gang who is behind the whole deadly exercise:his wife was viciously gang-raped and murdered and now he wants to redeem himself by helping Yvette complete her assigned hits and thereby escape the ‘game’. Meanwhile though, a mouthy, pot-bellied yob killer who’s being employed by the gang, is busy killing off her agency models anyway.

As far as plot goes, that is basically it. The film becomes a disjointed string of violent set-pieces populated by  screaming thugs and deranged yobos. There is a half-hearted attempt to portray all the fighting, shouting and fucking as some sort of allegory for the human condition, where the women are disposable and the men are all steroid-inflated killers -- but no one’s going to fall for that, quite frankly. Occasionally some of the cast of low thugs attempt to demonstrate what passes for a softer side: “listen girl,” says the model-killing nutter at one point; “there’s two sides to me … although one of my sides is off his fuckin’ head, I gotta let you know!” When confronted by Yvette’s disabled, wheelchair-bound friend, he tells her: “I’m gonna shag you every which way before I pop you; but I feel sorry for you, so I’m gonna let you choose the positions!”

This is the standard of the humour throughout the film: calculated to offend, but too arch to succeed, unless you’re quite determined to be angered by the sight of a topless dwarf being thrown off the roof of a building, or by some old-age pensioners being machine-gunned by an unhinged enforcer while they’re out collecting for the ’Help the Heroes’ campaign. (“What’s the fuckin’ point of you, then?” being the killer’s oft repeated catchphrase - uttered just before he disposes of yet another random victim!). There’s the typical  clichéd misogynist sex scene, which starts as a rape and then becomes consensual half-way through when the victim starts to respond to the sheer animal machismo of the attacker, and this caused a bit of a minor scandal  in the British press because the scene features Celebrity Big Brother winner (and beau of model Katie Price) Alex Reid: attempting to forge an acting career and failing miserably  -- although any offence the scene may have caused is surely offset by the frankly bizarre ‘growling’ sex noises he chooses to make during the embarrassing simulated sex! The film eventually finishes up with the now near-obligatory castration scene, complete with rubber phallus. Perhaps a drinking game could be played around the number of times the phrase "you fucking cunt" is repeated, although I fear some people could die!

The disc comes with quite a lenghty selection of extra features in which the viewer will be treated to even more nakedness, nastiness and tasteless humour, as we're offered extensive footage of the sexy bits being filmed and some extra nudity from the Babestation posse as well. There are deleted scenes and bloppers galore and a trailer too. The whole lot runs at well over an hour, making it well worth the money if this sort of thing is your bag.

Your rating: None