In 1999 Full Moon released a forgettable film called The Killer Eye where an eyeball came from worlds beyond to impregnate as many females as he could. In the closing credits of that gem, the alien menace had finally been beaten back, but every surviving woman was clutching their swollen stomach, as if expecting a new little bundle of eye. Some fifteen years later I thought we would be spared the next of kin, but wouldn’t you know it, in my box arrived a new Killer Eye disk that claims no association with the sequel, it seems this one is going to have a Halloween Haunt theme? I suddenly became very scared and filled with dread and it had nothing to do with my fear of the season or the dark forces of Samhain that are so strong this time of year. At seventy seven minutes long, this straight to video story of a giant killer ocular nerve was going to be a rape of eyeballs indeed, namely my own.
The movie began as so many of them do with four young pretty extremely buxom twenty something’s home alone, decorating one of their mother’s houses for Halloween. Despite the obvious friendship of the four ladies there is quite an undercurrent of sexual tension among them as if someone spiked the Halloween punch with ecstasy. For example, Catalina is a carnivorous lesbian who makes constant suggestive remarks to the other girls. Kiana is a lollipop toting blonde with an oral fixation who must suck on things at all times “as practice” (!?). Rocky is a practical brunette who wonders (all too late) “why they didn’t invite any boys” and Jen herself, whose witch mother owns this peculiar haunted house seems to have a peculiar fetish for strange Halloween props. Basically, the first half of the movie consists of the women bantering back and forth, with every word that comes out of their mouth being some sort of loaded, double entendre, locker room confession or sassy sexual put down. Despite the unrated rating on this movie I couldn’t help thinking that with such suggestive but patently, telltale brain dead dialogue that this thing could only break down into an X rated four way lesbian orgy, because the every word of spoken dialogue could have foreshadowed nothing else. Sadly I was wrong, as Jen unwraps a Halloween prop “Killer Eye” from Full Moon, pops in the original DVD of the first film and from there it gets really dumb, but no less maddeningly suggestive
This prop eyeball, invigorated by the original Full Moon movie playing in the DVD player, is suddenly awakened and becomes alive, sentient, and...amorous? Whatever it thinks and feels, the thing slithers off of its doll stand, stalks its female victims, and, once it gets them alone, stares into their eyes mesmerizing them into stripping off their tops and suddenly deciding that they want to have sex immediately with another one of their female friends. Of course, these “eye popping” moments are always short circuited by another friend coming in just in time to “break the spell” and keep any actual sex from happening. You know you are watching a shit film which has nothing going for it but cheesy sexual frustration if you find yourself rooting for the monster.
Not that the Killer eye was really a monster, per se. Sure it appears that he is definitely evil looking, horrible but as far as his sleazy data collection techniques which border on brainwashing, in all actuality he doesn’t really do anything to these women that Vanesa Taylor (Kara) didn’t do in all those Femalien movies as she too played a visitor from far beyond, so it’s hard to judge him for his “blind eye” when it comes to his lack of scientific method or ethics toward his test subjects. I guess that’s one of the problems I have with this movie, whether regarding sex or violence it is all but impossible to tell what the Killer Eye is actually doing with his victims, or perhaps more importantly why? In some scenes, he appears to strike a sonic death blow and blood splashes everywhere, only to have the victim walking around a scene later even more lasciviously lesbo than before only now strewn with gore and considerably less playfulness in her voice. Moreover, the original Killer Eye was a beach ball sized monster, well equipped to subdue, seduce and impregnate females with its giant anime tentacle to establish some kind of invasion force. The fact this tiny softball sized slithering orb uses hot women as it’s surrogate playthings to make out with one another and doesn’t actually really directly really interact with them physically, except to empathically seduce them into getting topless and kissing each other for its sport makes you wonder what the point of this is, unless he just likes to watch women do make out and in that case, you think an advanced alien race such as his would have discovered the internet by now.
Other problems abound, things that you wouldn’t expect a sequel of a film to have. The girls actually watch fifteen minutes of the original Killer Eye, and of course make their usual demeaning, crass and suggestive comments about it, Mystery Science Theater 3000 style. I suppose that would have been the ultimate in black comedy “gotcha” moment if the killer eye would have popped up immediately and gotten them all pregnant for not only laughing at his cosmic antics, and perhaps even more odious, for breaking the fourth wall. Yet get this, the “Eye Monster” prop in this film is actually an EXACT rubber copy (not replica) of the eye product sold in the full moon online gift shop, right down to the cardboard box with the Full Moon logo. Whether this is an example of ultimate product placement or just laziness by the prop department is up to you. And speaking of Full Moon, this thing comes across as an intentional commercial for Full Moon features because other films by this studio are discussed by the women, in some of the most unnatural sounding dialogue ever. It even gets worse from there, next is a scene where Catalina unloads a box of Halloween masks and among them are Baby Oops a Daisy, Killjoy and Gingerdead Man, each and every one of them a copyrighted character from a Full Moon Features film. She then remarks, mockingly, “Who would be afraid of this stuff?”. I DON’T KNOW!!! I screamed aloud, SO, WHY ARE YOU TRYING TO SELL IT TO ME IN THE MIDDLE OF A FEATURE THAT’S IS SUPPOSED TO GIVE ME A REASON TO WANT THE CRAP IN THE FIRST PLACE??? Yes, that’s right, even when this flick decides it wants to be little more than a self-aggrandizing, breasty showcase of all manner of full moon products, it can’t even competently work as an shameless cinematic short self promotion because it can’t even manage the single minded, shameless favorable product review of an infomercial.
If you have the film tastes of a demented “Furry” and you simply MUST watch films where flocked, slimy or scaly monsters have intercourse with naked women, your money is best spent elsewhere. If you have a love of animation and a strong stomach, get some proper Hentai, or if you simply must have live action monster “beast on babe” action, check out a series of films called (appropriately) “The Beast” or “The Beast in Space”. Killer Eye: Halloween Haunt was unrated, full of topless buxom women comfortable with nudity, who would apparently do any film to get into B movies and featured a plotline involving female bi-curiousness, mind control, sexual slavery by a main character made of the same rubbery synthetic silicone plastic as most marital aids. Do you have any ideas for a film yet? (Because I had ten in my mind before I even finished that sentence). Using these simple film premises/ production values, an awesome utilitarian Swiss army knife of a cult film could have been made with plot tricks that have could have met every need, fulfilled every potential scenario; simply clicked into place. Yet by the time this flick unfolded, this unrated tale of lesbian mind control by a rubber Sapphic sex crazed boob shaped eyeball, broke in my grasp like a cheap alloy device (and there wasn’t a decent scissor to be found whatsoever). As such, much like any other ten dollar miracle multi-tool (with no actual sharp edges, or rough cuts to be found anywhere in it’s length) this film is best given to a teenage boy or a particularly tomboyish girl…perhaps they could find some industrious use for it?