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Mold

Review by: 
Colossal Olmec Head
Release Date: 
2012
Studio: 
Wild Eye Releasing
Genre: 
Horror
Format: 
DVD
Region: 
1 NTSC
Aspect Ratio: 
1.33:1
Directed by: 
Neil Meschino
Cast: 
Ardis Campbell
Robert Fattorina
Chris Gentile
Movie: 
0
Extras: 
2
Bottom Line: 
0

Mold's DVD release includes a 'Behind the Scenes of Mold' DVD extra. In it actors, still in costume, take pains to inform us that this offering represents 'guerilla movie making'.   But it's hardly a badge of honor for the director to compel his cast to excuse his dismal product while they're still on set and, presumably, still under contract.  That's extortion, folks.  One of the actors , apparently goaded into saying something positive instead became combative to the point where he angrily declared, "Anyone who doesn't like this movie is an asshole!"   Wow.  Way to build support for the film.  I was tempted to write him off, but pity for his plight won out as this opus was his last, and possibly final, IMDb credit.   In a generous spirit, I mentally pictured hungry and increasingly desperate cast members being warned away from the craft services table cold cuts by a goon with a sharpened metal pole until they said something, anything, to the camera about how goddamned privileged they were to be a part of this movie.

What's the plot?  It's 1984 and secret scientist-types create a fungus to attack coca plants for the war on drugs.   The mold makes quick work of plants, but it also eats human flesh.  So there's your horror element.  Why 1984?  Because it gives the costume lady a reason to glue on period bushy mustaches.  Sometimes the mustaches are crooked, but since it's an intentionally terrible movie, we, the audience, are expected to get the joke.

Because this was a conscious effort to create a parody of a bad movie, it may be unfair to cite the obvious defects in quality, but here goes.  The sound is bad.  So bad that if an actor utters a line off-camera, you will often not hear it or the line will have all the clarity of someone way down a hallway somewhere.  There's no soundtrack except for an occasional attempt at eerie synthesized tones you are meant to associate with more classic B movies of yesteryear.  Resolution is poor: the film has the look of a rushed VHS transfer.   The set is blandly spartan:  nearly all of the action (that word is overgenerous) will occur in an office lunch break room perhaps 15x25.  I would like to say the acting was dinner-theater worthy, but the folks who ply their trade at those 'Buses Welcome' venues at least earn their living.  The dialogue?  Well, I'd just be piling on at this point.

Who doesn't love a great spoof?  And all might be forgiven, of course, if the movie were actually funny or in any sense entertaining.  But even if you screen this mess in Colorado with ample supplies of Purple Kush, I still warrant you will not laugh.   The creators of the film set out to create a movie of the kind mocked by the gang on MST3K, a movie, in other words, with atrocious and obvious effects further ruined by appalling editing.  But those films can be mined for precious comedy ore precisely because they were created by filmmakers who earnestly tried to create something good but miserably failed.  When you strive instead to create something awful from the get-go, chances are you will likely succeed.

0
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