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PorkChop 2: Rise of The Rind

Review by: 
Head Cheeze
Release Date: 
Independent Entertainment
Aspect Ratio: 
Directed by: 
Eamon Hardiman
Sam Qualiana
Angela Pritchett
Rob Cobb
Bottom Line: 

This is the sequel to an odd little budget horror film that I did not request, and when I asked for the prequel from the company that sent it to me so I could accurately review the whole PORKCHOP series in consecutive order, they didn’t reply to my emails or even admit they have ever mailed me anything in the first place.  But since I will review anything, (including the instructional video that came with a baby carrier) let us all set down upon this swine sequel and feast upon its flesh.

PORKCHOP is the story of a masked killer who, as a child, became unglued after his family butchered his favorite pig and fed it to him. He grows up to be a buff pig-mask-wearing madman who stands the food chain on its ear by murdering “hundreds” of victims. Whether all of this is backstory or a hyperbole filled back cover blurb is impossible to discern without access to the first film and probably won’t matter anyway.

Porkchop 2 centers on the story of Simon Robertson; a geeky teenager who moves into a small town, after his family buys the exact same house where “Porkchop” grew up.  He soon meets an odd young girl named Meg, and the two of them form unlikely friendship; one that gives them some comfort in their conformist small town high school filled with snotty, dumb rich kids who torment them. But wouldn’t you know it -  Porkchop the pig predator from the first film isn’t dead at all.  He makes a sudden appearance, and teaches the lot of these kids that, despite the economic and cultural diversity evident in all modern day high schools, everyone bleeds the same, and isn’t that what’s really important?

Why does every young director try to remake FRIDAY THE 13th for their first film, or series?  Haven’t the ten official remakes over the past thirty years  been enough for you? Look, I know the limitations of filming on a budget. I understand masks are cheap, and filming in your Grandmother's backyard doesn’t require a special permit, but come on, people! In this film as in many before it, all of the same tired elements are there; ripe for comparison. It’s got the same undead special needs youth who is pissed off from some childhood trauma.  It’s got the goofy mask which actually inhibits the peripheral sight of a would-be stalking killer, (as well as the intelligence of the script). It’s got the precocious teens that are just “dying” to have R rated sex. Finally, it even has a big reveal at the end where the killers identity is someone you have actually expected all along.  

As with most B-movies, PORKCHOP 2 is not a Grade A cinematic cut of flesh. It is a reconstituted by-product; a can of cinematic spam extracted from much meatier films.  However, it is not unwatchable. The filmmakers show some decent technical skill, the special effects work is actually fairly good, and its regurgitation of the same midnight nature walk ruined by a mute, cutlery loving zombie is all technically sound even if it does tread down the same old  state park traill.

Special Features include director commentary, behind the scenes and trailers.

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