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Rezervoir Doggs

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Release Date: 
Exquisite Pictures
Aspect Ratio: 
Directed by: 
General Stone
Lizzy Borden
Kimberly Kane
Andy San Dimas
Chanel Preston
Bottom Line: 
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As a young fledgling director Quentin Tariantino created what is largely referred to as perhaps the best B-movie of all time, RESERVOIR DOGS.  Filmed on a shoestring budget and largely shot in a single room it was graphic, violent and filmed in a random but methodical manner where every scene was placed out of sequence until backstory became the real moments of meaningful character development and the present moments were used primarily for action violence-a revolutionary idea at the time which has been largely copied. It also was his part of his signature style where villains were not only featured as main players, but were portrayed as actual, three dimensional characters featuring distinct personalities with preferences on everything pop culture, from fast food to film to music; a style further explored in PULP FICTION to great critical acclaim.

But first a rare personal aside about me and my one near miss with fame and greatness. Through a once in a lifetime, chance personal acquaintance I had a chance to meet Quentin Tariantino’s best friend in the world (through a second party) who knew him back when he worked at The Video Archive and before he became famous. I had a work of original fiction I wanted to get to him and “R” told me that Tariantino doesn’t EVER want to see the work of “people who didn’t exist” and all but laughed at me. Considering how Tariantino was the ultimate iconoclast figure who stood the studio system on its ear and fought Hollywood convention and MPAA ratings at every turn yet somehow pulled himself up from a youth spent working behind the counter in various theaters (not unlike myself) I can’t begin to tell you how pissed off I was at the attitude he had toward talented, cult film loving people who had not yet arrived to his tier in life. Ever since then I have never reviewed a Tariantino film, not because I carry a grudge (for I have no professional right), but because I want to remain unbiased at all times even when reviewing the most unknown obscure movie and in his case I fear my own objectivity. “Never meet your heroes” my father used to say, and he was right. 

The reason I had to pause and talk about this for a moment is the fact that this adult film REZERVOIR DOGGS is even more obsessed with Tariantino and RESERVOIR DOGS than my entire shameless self-indulgent first paragraph of this review, as this product is almost an exact duplicate of the film.  Of course I concede that many porn parodies feature a sound alike, look-alike title and box art, but this is the first time I have EVER seen an adult film version of a mainstream movie that featured the same script of the film that inspired it, right down to the original lines; read verbatim-only this time, by an all-girl gang. Now while there wasn’t any sex in RESERVOIR DOGS, certain scenes are extended and embellished to make it all work out.  Some of it is actually well done; Mrs. Pink hires a male prostitute and refuses to tip him afterward. Mrs Brown and Mrs Blue (two disposable characters from the original film) finally get a decent scene which gives new meaning to the phrase “character exposition”. However, some of the additions make no sense whatsoever, when mixed with the original script such as the lengthy sex scene between Mrs. Orange and Marvin the cop which takes at place in flashback and yet somehow “Orange” still doesn’t “remember meeting him” as according to the original script when they cross paths in the warehouse.

Yet I am not so much a man before a film geek to think that dialogue and fine details matter much to people who routinely purchase adult film even though there are several attempts made this thing strangely authentic. The trademark “funky” vintage 70’s soundtrack is parodied as well and all characters sport handguns, Ray ban shades and are clad in the exact same white shirt/ black tie wardrobe from the Tariantino work which makes them seem like the sexiest killers (or the sluttiest Olive Garden hostesses) imaginable. Even though the acting seems most abysmal when compared to the exact same delivery of Harvey Keitel, Steve Buscemi and Tim Roth, as a fusion of wacky, stylized sex and violence (which is at the core value of all that is underground film), this film rocks even if I can’t decide if seeing the original Tariantino film beforehand is a prerequisite for proper enjoyment of this, or perhaps a hindrance because it makes you compare certain moments in both films (which is sadly unavoidable).

There have been three porn parodies of RESERVOIR DOGS and this by far is the most accurate but this is perhaps saying nothing indeed. Exquisite has once again turned out an incredible looking product that is best enjoyed casually for its stylistic nuance and for most of you this will be enough.  Yet for the purist who remembers the time when Tariantino seemed like the greatest thing to happen to underground film, this flick will be an affront to the sensibilities even as the action is admittedly a delight to the loins.

Yet I don’t know many other films of whatever genre that feature pervasive violence, full penetration and are close to two and a half hours long with an actual plot. These features alone both elevate this picture as they both somehow damn it; at best it will be another throwaway porn parody that will be forgotten and at worst it may be the closest thing I have seen to CALIGULA in at least a few years.  The best moments of this thing were those that actually had nothing to do with the Tariantino film and not because they were entirely sex based, but because when compared with the original, they were almost laughable, worthy of sarcastic derision. But then the explicit sex would start and you still couldn’t stop smiling for reasons based on anything but wanton delight.  

REZERVOIR DOGGS, It’s a gritty, girl gangster gangbang that takes the “dirty job gone wrong” of the original flick and elevates it to whole new low.  I can’t decide if this is the way that you would like to see RESERVOIR DOGS.  I guess we will need an all new porno sequel to sort this out. After all, even the original film never fully explained whatever happened to “Pink”, I can only imagine the unique ways the next film would resolve the triumphant return of that particular color…perhaps in ways that only an adult film could. Of course, I always assumed “Pink” went to prison after hearing the final hectic moments of the Tariantino film.  In which case I am saying we probably don’t need another porno sequel set in a woman’s prison-we absolutely fucking need one. Call it “LEZERVOIR DOGGS 2: Pink in the Clink” and let me write the script-especially the dialogue.  Trust me, it’s not like Tariantino is watching…or cares.

I give it a four because it was a rare example of cult film with adult content.  If only it had been a decent original script, these “Doggs” could have had more bite.  But seriously, how many of you are still reading this and haven’t already started checking out the teaser video to the left? 

Special Features include the usual “cum reel” and several hours of sexless “behind the scenes” filming. Perfect for those who thought the innermost thoughts and feelings of porn stars between scenes are somehow interesting?  I can’t judge (I have too many movies like this to judge anyone for anything anymore).

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