Let me just say something here while I have your attention. I absolutely love the Saw movies and while my other fellow reviewers seem to fawn over Final Destination as the best modern horror series to come out in the past decade, I must strongly object. Saw movies aren’t the exact same movie every time only with a different cookie cutter cast and for a series that made it all the way up to episode six, they managed to at least keep at least some veneer of originality and feature a consistent, gradually diminishing cast which seems to tell of an overall saga. Not only is Final Destination the exact same movie every time, but it must always slaughter a new random crop of teenagers who have little or no previous association with the previous film’s characters. Moreover, Saw films are well written, the individual traps would have tickled Hitchcock all the while the top notch computer graphics depicting automated evisceration are all technically feasible. Final Destination films are all but entirely computer rendered in their action sequences and even the inherent drama of a character escaping his fate is all but muted, because everyone knows by now that they exist in a peculiar Wile. E Coyote catch 22 world where all the luck, happenstance and laws of physics all impossibly conspire to kill every protagonist by films end anyway no matter what they do. Finally, Saw films are awesomely chock full of goodness with several ingenious traps in every film, any of which is better than the single scene escape dilemma featured in films like PHONE BOOTH, 127 HOURS or BURIED. Admittedly Saw has overused certain plot gambits in the final films such as the “head trap” of the opening credits or the “previous victim/ unseen associate” who was supposedly there all along since the beginning (but appearing in the film for the first time when it is convenient to the real time story). Yet decades from now, these films will be remembered fondly as perhaps the best six volume horror series as well as the beginning of a new sub-genre known as torture porn.
That’s why when I heard there was an actual “Saw” porno I simply knew I had to see this, what follows is my review, and yes, there will be sex…
When the film starts a naked man stands in a very bad situation, his penis is chained to a small leather collar which passes through a meat grinder, meanwhile the leather harness which he wears is also chained to a rear wall., below which hangs a rubber dildo in a strategic penetration gambit we have never before seen in a saw film. It isn’t long before an older model TV crackles to life nearby and a grotesque, familiar looking clown puppet named “Screwball” informs the man that because he was an adult film actor who was routinely guilty of disrespecting the women he worked with, he has the choice of voluntarily putting his penis into a meat grinder or hitting the button, changing the direction of the chain and being skewered rectally by the hanging schlong behind him “In his first anal scene”. Suddenly, the machine activates and he is pulled forward. So much of the film is like that, actual porn stars being kidnapped and taken away to the rusty room where they must perform physical challenges in order to live or face death, dismemberment or emotional shame. And surprisingly, most of the time they just don’t make it.
When the identity of Screwball is revealed and he explains his justifications for doing so, it almost makes sense; seems justified in some strange way, at least to a film lover like myself. It seems Screwball cannot stand what adult film has become today with its lack of story, decent acting and embarrassment of excess over a single logical story, so he single handedly sought to teach it a lesson. Of course, the ending is left open for a sequel (or five). With just enough gore to keep it interesting, and some very tense standard sex scenes which all play out before a rapidly counting red LED clock, this is exactly what most people would want from a Saw porno.
Seriously, if you are a member of a liberated household that regularly enjoys both horror movies and adult film as entertainment, Saw: The porno parody is everything you ever wanted right down to the inclusion of an automatic sex machine in one scene. The devices themselves are cheap looking, and many look borrowed from an S+M sex shop, but the strange dark logic of the SAW puzzles themselves and the difficult choices they force is very much restored in this porno version where two types of bodily liquid flow with reckless abandon.
At first I was taken aback when I gave this film, (a porno) my highest review thus far in my time at horrorview in the twenty or so films I have reviewed thus far, but due to the fact that this can be purchased online from a variety of retailers for 10-15 bucks, I can’t say that my approval of this will so much hurt my reputation as confirm it once you see it for yourself. For a porno it is adequate, but the masterful Saw nuances faithfully rendered by a director who has obviously seen these beloved movies as many times as I have makes a carefully “hand-tooled” adult product that is a whole new type of dirty, wicked and raw and I appreciated it.
Extras include a behind the scenes photo slide show.
Grab yourself a copy here!