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Schoolgirl Report Volume 11

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Ernst Hofbauer
Helga Anders
Sandra Atia
Ulrich Beiger
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Long before the words “Barely Legal Teens” became part of the pornographers lexicon, there was a series of ponderous soft-core erotic films from Germany known as the Schulmädchen-Report: or “Schoolgirl Report”. Loosely based on the works of a German sex therapist named Gunther Hunold, it employed a sleazy, cheesy way to get around censorship edicts at the time, making this film part of a Sub-genre known as a “White Coater”. Films such as this got away with portraying scenes of sexuality after the onscreen appearance of a doctor discusses the scene we are about to see, thus making them seem educational in nature rather than just erotic.  Eventually the censorship laws were relaxed and such trickery was largely discontinued by the mid-seventies. Yet in volume 11 (released in 1977) the story of educators having a dry and scholarly discussion of teenage sexuality continues to act as a springboard for some very weird sexual forays told in vignette. Let us once again study this SCHOOLGIRL REPORT and see what sort of grade it deserves?

As the film starts several educators are recording a program that hopes to have a public discussion on the problem on teenage sexuality. Among these distinctively German (and joyless adults) is a child psychologist, A home maker, a principal of a high school and a Police inspector.  In typical “S.R.” fashion, various stories of young sexuality (usually involving teenage girls) are discussed in a responsible and staunch manner, at least until moments later when we get to see the seriousness of the problem for ourselves when the story of an individual girl is played back for us as a soft-core pornographic flashback.  How very progressive!

Here are the individual stories of various girls and their trials and titillations.

Martina is a pretty 17 year old student who asks for classroom sessions from Rolf, a smart kid. Some “private” study sessions quickly become exactly what you expect in a film like this and she loses her virginity. Rolf breaks up with Marina shortly thereafter when she becomes too emotionally needy for him.  This ends really badly.

A girl named Regine claims that she was raped by her professor named Werner but when it becomes obvious that she overstated a crucial fact of the crime to the level of comedic, impossible overstatement, the man is let go. Additionally, the medical report proves she is still a virgin as it was all a lie. Great, now she can still find herself a nice boy someday…and ruin his reputation too.

Gila (one of the show’s producers) recounts a story from her youth where she and her girlfriend have their first sexual experience with a couple of boys in a rickety barn.  Eventually a major portion of the structure collapses and everyone is covered in paint, lumber and shame.  In the tragic aftermath of this mishap one girl loudly declares “I even have paint on my pussy!”  More poignant “coming of age” words of female sexual awareness have never been spoken as eloquently by a young lady in this entire series.

Michalea is a promising student who inexplicably leaves a suicide note to one of her professors. When he arrives just in time to keep her from leaping off a bridge she tells the story how she was gradually blackmailed into sex, pornography and then prostitution by a gang of German cretins over a “twenty mark” bill (which is roughly worth fourteen American dollars). Thankfully this sort of thing couldn’t happen anymore, for now they have the Euro over there.

Heidi is a virgin even by her 18th birthday. This unthinkable, tragic disability causes her four promiscuous friends to lock a man named Achim in her room while they wait outside the door for something to happen.  Turns out however he is a complete and utter gentleman. So Heidi and Achim give her friends a real show by simulating the sounds of sex through the door, much to her friend’s vicarious delight.  They have such a good time laughing and talking about the sex they never has as he walks her home that they have sex the minute she invites him in.  THAT will teach her sleazy friends not cast aspersions on her virtue so prematurely…even if only by 5 minutes of actual running time.

This was an absolute goofy mess that hits you both high and low.  A typical white coater “mixed message” I could barely tell where the preachy anti-sex doctrine ended and the pornography began. Moreover the individual stories were all such a varied range of mood, severity and consequence that ultimately amounted to an end product that was all but schizophrenic in its tone. It was a little grainy, a little stupid and completely subtitled, yet it was a whirlwind of anti sex, skin infested hypocrisy that made me blink a little in abject confusion in ways that soft-core can seldom muster any more.  Much like the individual girls who were the subject of its assorted sordid stories, this “Schoolgirl” was a real handful.  A handful of what, however, I leave to your own demented schoolboy imaginations.

Extras Include Nothing.

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