I’m still sulking because Mega Shark Vs. Giant Octopus is listed as “very long wait” on Netflix. In the meantime I need a giant shark fix, so here’s Shark Attack 3: Megalodon. (No, I haven’t seen Shark Attack 1 or Shark Attack 2 and I’ve no idea if there’s a Shark Attack 4.)
I’m a huge fan of the movie Jaws, so I find it rather endearing that nearly three decades after its release people were still ripping it off. It’s also amusing that the more special effects technologies have evolved, the worse the ripoffs look and the better the original film looks.
Shark Attack 3: Megalodon opens with an underwater crew fixing a communications cable. Faster than you can say “Purina Shark Chow” the crew meet a grisly end. Then it’s off to “Mexico” (the movie’s credits are full of Bulgarian names so if this was really filmed in Mexico I’ll eat my hat) where the local beach resort just happens to be nearby one of those communication cables. Resort employee Ben (future Dr. Who and Torchwood star John Barrowman, looking slightly embarrassed) finds a big shark’s tooth embedded in the cable. Shortly thereafter, beachgoers start getting munched by a 15-foot shark.
I know, I was disappointed at first. Because thanks to my kid’s Walking With Dinosaurs videos, I know that a megalodon was a prehistoric shark with a 10-foot-wide mouth. A 15-foot shark just isn’t going to cut it, even if it does eat a parasailor. But not to worry! See, that 15-foot shark was just a baby. Mama shows up, courtesy of some really bad CGI, and then the fun really begins.
Shark Attack 3: Megalodon isn’t a good movie by any stretch of the imagination. The characters are clichéd, the acting is bad, the story is stupid, and the special effects are laughable. And I giggled my way through the whole thing. It’s clear no one involved had any pretensions toward doing anything but doing a Jaws ripoff with a REALLY BIG shark. One that eats jet-skiers and speedboats whole. There’s your whole reason for watching it, right there. (Well, that and some hilariously off-color ad-libbing from Barrowman.)
The only disappointment is no extras at all, not even trailers for other crappy direct-to-video movies.